Some jokes and some funny pics...

BBC NEWS | Americas | Castro asked US president for $10

In 1940, 12-year-old Cuban boy Fidel Castro wrote to US President Franklin Roosevelt to request a $10 note.

The hand-written letter, embellished with an elaborate signature, has been unearthed by the US National Archives and Records Administration.

 

Well done, RAF!

RAF bikini ready for take-off - Telegraph

 

This just weeks after Gordon Brown instructed RAF personnel to wear their uniforms in public, coincidence? I think not!

Talk about boosting public image!

 

I wished I opened this thread a lot earlier. You guys can really create a racket! LOL

 

Heard this on the news this morning.


Why did the banana go to hospital?










It wasn't peeling well!

 

Rose goes to see Max, her solicitor, and says, "I want to divorce my Harry.”
"Why do you want to do that?" Max asks, "I thought you said he was a man of rare gifts.
"He is," replies Rose, he’s never given me a present in twenty years of marriage.”
"Very funny, Rose. Is there another reason why you want a divorce?" asks Max.
"Yes there is," replies Rose, "I want a divorce because of his appearance."
"That’s an unusual reason," says Max.
"Not really," says Rose, "Harry hasn’t put in an appearance at home for four years.

 

Topical but it made me giggle, may be some bad language in there:

YouTube - Happy Birthday War

For the IKEA fans:

YouTube - IKEA DWARVES

For James Blunt fans:
YouTube - Mitch Benn - James Blunt - Esporta Northwood

 

For a fan of the Red Army:

500 cocards for personal use or as presents to friends....

 

OK my Favorite WWII joke:

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.

The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'."

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom, "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead.

More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him.

"Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use.

The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says, "Tankety Tank Tank."

 

What an IDIOT!

BBC NEWS | Americas | Finn held over Easter Island ear

The authorities on Easter Island have detained a Finnish tourist on suspicion of trying to steal an earlobe of one of the world-famous moai stone statues.

 

Ice Fishing game

YouTube - Propilkki 2

What do you know?! And Finns of course....

 

Becky loves her dog very much, so when one day she thinks it isn’t hearing her properly, she gets worried and immediately takes it to the vet.
The vet examines the dog, then says to Becky, "There’s nothing seriously wrong with your dog. It had a lot of hair in its ears, which I’ve now removed. To avoid this happening again, may I suggest you go to your chemist and purchase a tube of depilatory hair removing cream. You can rub a small amount of it into the dog’s ears every month.
Becky thanks the vet and decides to drive straight away to her chemist to buy the cream.
When she gets there, she goes up to the pharmacist and says, "Can I have a tube of depilatory cream please?"
"Of course, madam," replies the pharmacist. "We have a very quick and effective one but it has two very minor drawbacks."
"Oh, and what are they?" asks Becky.
"If you use it under your arms," replies the pharmacist, "they’ll be sore for a day afterwards."
"Don’t worry about that," says Becky, "I'm not going to use it under my arms."
"Good," says the pharmacist, "and if you use it on your legs, they’ll be pink looking for a day afterwards."
"And don’t worry about that, either," says Becky, "I'm not going to use it on my legs either."
"So what do you want to use the cream for?" asks the pharmacist.
"If you must know," replies Becky, "I'm going to use it on my schnauzer."
"In that case," says the pharmacist, smiling, "I wouldn’t go cycling for at least 3 days after you use it."

 

TRUE LOVE ?


Stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour.

Open it up and which one is glad to see you ?

 

That's good to know...

 

Secret Stasi pornographic films found

Secret Stasi pornographic films found - Telegraph

Grainy pornographic films made for officers of the People's Army of former Communist East Germany have surfaced in the Stasi files in Berlin.

Movies with titles like Glass Dreams, Private Werner's Big Surprise and F***ing for the Fatherland were made by a secret unit set up within a barracks of the army in Biesdorf in East Berlin.

Officially, to the overlords of the politburo, pornography was a disease of capitalism that held no place in the socialist paradise behind the Berlin Wall.

Unofficially, 160 officers and men beavered away with 16mm cameras to produce pornographic movies that were shown to top brass of the army in East Germany and for visiting generals from other Warsaw Pact nations.

 

Acting is all about honesty, if you can fake that, you've got it made.

Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns

A word to the wise isn't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby

My Uncle's dying wish was to have me on his lap...He was in the Electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield

Women are like elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
W.C.Fields

Give them pleasure-the same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare.

Disney has the best casting. If he doesn't like an actor he just tears them up.

An actor once asked me what was his motivation. I told him his salary.

Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Alfred Hitchcock

 

Tell one or two of your fav jokes, see if we can get some of the grumpy buggers on here to lighten up a little.

Ill start with a classic blond joke:

How do you find your blond girlfriend after a party?
match your belt buckle to the imprint on her forehead!
( sorry if anyone takes offense to blond jokes )