Welcome to the WWII Forums! Log in or Sign up to interact with the community.

Some jokes and some funny pics...

Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by Kai-Petri, Dec 4, 2002.

  1. skunk works

    skunk works Ace

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2005
    Messages:
    2,156
    Likes Received:
    104
    "With lies you may get ahead in the world, but you can never go back."
    Russian Proverb

    A "bit" R rated, so ...
     

    Attached Files:

    • bum.jpg
      bum.jpg
      File size:
      15.6 KB
      Views:
      19
  2. skunk works

    skunk works Ace

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2005
    Messages:
    2,156
    Likes Received:
    104
    Tough town :D
     

    Attached Files:

  3. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2002
    Messages:
    26,461
    Likes Received:
    2,207
    BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Dead Parrot sketch ancestor found

    An ancestor of Monty Python's famous Dead Parrot comedy sketch has been found in a joke book dating back to Greece in the 4th Century.

    Philogelos: The Laugh Addict, which has been translated from Greek manuscripts, contains a joke where a man complains that a slave he was sold had died.

    "When he was with me, he never did any such thing!" is the reply.

    In the Python sketch, written 1,600 years later, the shopkeeper claims the dead parrot is "pining for the fjords".

    Other jokes:

    An Abderite sees a eunuch talking with a woman and asks him if she's his wife. The guy responds that a eunuch is unable to have a wife. "Ah, so she's your daughter? "

    A misogynist is attending to the burial of his wife, who has just died, when someone asks: "Who is it who rests in peace here?". He answers: "Me, now that I'm rid of her!"
     
  4. TA152

    TA152 Ace

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2002
    Messages:
    3,423
    Likes Received:
    120
    For some strange reason I read in a book that carrier recon pilots were looked down upon by the higher ups and were rarely promoted. This was for RA-5's and RF-8's during the Viet Nam era.
    The book did not say why.
    Do any of you know ?
    I agree that the A-5 was a cool plane but it must have been thrilling to land on a carrier !
     
  5. Harry Morant

    Harry Morant Member

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2008
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    3
    Sir Douglas Bader, the legendary World War II fighter pilot, was invited by an upper class girl's school in London to give a talk about the courage he displayed whilst flying his RAF Spitfire fighting against the German Luftwaffe in the skies over Europe.
    "There I was, leading our squadron back from a successful raid when suddenly, at about 1 o'clock, coming out of the sun, was three Fockers heading towards us".
    The headmistress, keen to avoid any misinterpretation about the word "Focker" interjected.
    "I'd just like to point out to the young ladies present that the Focker was a Dutch-built aircraft employed by the German Airforce during the Second World War.
    "You are absolutely correct, headmistress" says Sir Douglas. "However, these three Fockers were Messerschmitts".
     
  6. Stefan

    Stefan Cavalry Rupert

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2001
    Messages:
    5,368
    Likes Received:
    336
  7. Stefan

    Stefan Cavalry Rupert

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2001
    Messages:
    5,368
    Likes Received:
    336
  8. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2002
    Messages:
    26,461
    Likes Received:
    2,207
    Vladimir Putin 'wanted to hang Georgian President Saakashvili by the balls' - Times Online

    With Russian tanks only 30 miles from Tbilisi on August 12, Mr Sarkozy told Mr Putin that the world would not accept the overthrow of Georgia’s Government. According to Mr Levitte, the Russian seemed unconcerned by international reaction. “I am going to hang Saakashvili by the balls,” Mr Putin declared.

    Mr Sarkozy thought he had misheard. “Hang him?” — he asked. “Why not?” Mr Putin replied. “The Americans hanged Saddam Hussein.”

    Mr Sarkozy, using the familiar tu, tried to reason with him: “Yes but do you want to end up like [President] Bush?” Mr Putin was briefly lost for words, then said: “Ah — you have scored a point there.”
     
  9. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2002
    Messages:
    26,461
    Likes Received:
    2,207
    Making fun of Medvedev favorite Russian pastime

    Making fun of Medvedev favorite Russian pastime

    What is "nanotechnology" in Russian politics? goes one joke. Answer: When each new leader is shorter than his predecessor.

    In another, Putin takes Medvedev out for dinner. Putin orders a steak. "What about the vegetable?" the waiter asks him. "The vegetable will have a steak, too," answers Putin.

    Perhaps the most popular gag so far is a video that lampoons the cult Soviet film "Kavkazskaya Plennitsa," or "Caucasus Prisoner." The clip has been viewed more than 1 million times on the video-sharing website YouTube.

    In the original scene, a local tricks a naive Russian tourist into kidnapping a young woman by persuading him that abductions are a local tradition. In the overdubbed spoof version, the tourist is Medvedev and he's being asked to snatch not the woman but the Russian presidency.

    "So what's my role?" asks Medvedev. "Collect signatures, put forward your candidacy," the local tells him. "My candidacy?! That's also part of the tradition? Brilliant!" exclaims an enthusiastic Medvedev.

    The local then explains that things must look "natural" even if the vote is bogus. "The candidates will resist, kick, even bite, call for observers, shout that they're going to complain to the United Nations," he says. "But don't pay attention -- it's all part of a beautiful old tradition!"
     
  10. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

    Joined:
    May 12, 2003
    Messages:
    8,809
    Likes Received:
    372
    Location:
    Portugal
    [​IMG]


    ----------

    Morris and his best friend Emeka have just finished a hectic game of squash and are showering in the club’s changing room. Morris looks over at Emeka and can’t help noticing how well endowed his friend is.

    "Oy veh, Emekah," says Morris admiringly, "you lucky so and so! What a monster! That’s no shmekeleh you have there. Is it true that all black men are born that way?"

    "No, you’re wrong there," replies Emeka, "in my case, I had to work hard at growing its size."

    "What do you mean by that?" asks Morris.

    "Well," replies Emeka, "when I was younger, my mother told me to tie a brick to the end my penis with a piece of string. She told me to walk around for 30mins each night to get the benefits of the pulling effect. I did this for 3 months and well, … you can now see the results."

    Morris can’t wait to tell his wife. As soon as he gets back home, he shouts out "Sadie, I’ve decided to take one month off work. Please cancel all our forthcoming engagements. Cancel our bridge nights. I’ve decided to go get a bigger shmekeleh."
    For the next month, Morris stays at home and walks around all day in his dressing gown. Under the dressing gown is a large brick tied to his shmekeleh with strong string. After a month of this, Sadie says to Morris, "OK, Morris, let’s see how it’s doing."

    Morris undoes his dressing gown and they both look. After a few seconds, Morris says, "See, Sadie, what did I tell you? The plan is working. I’m halfway there – it’s already gone black."

    [SIZE=-1]shmekeleh: little penis[/SIZE]
     
  11. mikebatzel

    mikebatzel Dreadnaught

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2007
    Messages:
    3,185
    Likes Received:
    406
    [​IMG]
    Because you never know when you will need to use the john.
     
    Otto, Falcon Jun and TA152 like this.
  12. Joe

    Joe Ace

    Joined:
    May 22, 2007
    Messages:
    2,948
    Likes Received:
    125
    Big Issue is a magazine sold by Homless people here to help them raise money.
    They tend to stand on street corners and shout, "Big issue!" and all that.
     
  13. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2002
    Messages:
    26,461
    Likes Received:
    2,207
    Just wow!

    Clump of dark matter may loom near solar system - Yahoo! News

    Scientists think perhaps 25 percent of the universe is made up of dark matter, which responds to gravity the same way as does regular matter such as stars and planets and the like.

    While the stuff is thought to be strewn throughout the cosmos, it is invisible and poorly understood.
     
  14. Miguel B.

    Miguel B. Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2008
    Messages:
    956
    Likes Received:
    67
    That article is way outdated. Nowadays, we know for sure that dark matter is over 90% of all matter in the Universe. Only 4~5% of that dark matter is barionic matter it is supposed based on analysis of our own Galaxy and neighbouring ones.
    Yahoo news are the history channel of science so... :D

    Also wrong. Galaxies exist because of Dark Matter. If there were no Dark Matter, the galaxy wouldn't have the weight to form itself. Dark Matter is present in Galaxies since it's origin. Again, over 90% of the galaxy mass is Dark Matter (in our galaxy over 10^10 SM - solar masses - compared to the total mass of 10^11 SM).


    Anyway, no more blatantly wrong stuff there me thinks...




    Cheers...
     
    Kai-Petri likes this.
  15. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2002
    Messages:
    26,461
    Likes Received:
    2,207
    Great, thanx Miguel!

    I think that settled it all for good! ;)
     
  16. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

    Joined:
    May 12, 2003
    Messages:
    8,809
    Likes Received:
    372
    Location:
    Portugal
    If dark matter makes up 90% of the Universe, why don't we see more of it? Is the recent USA election a manifestation of dark matter? Isn't it a freak of statistics that so much people I know is light matter? How much dark matter is there in this forum?
     
  17. Miguel B.

    Miguel B. Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2008
    Messages:
    956
    Likes Received:
    67
    Well, the discovery of Dark Matter wasn't really a discovery... Someone somewhere decided to calculate the mass of the galaxy based on the angular momentum instead of the observational statistics there were around. In the end, he found that if the galaxy was to have the momentum and shape it had, there was a general lack of mass. So, since we couldn't see the matter that comprised that mass, he called it dark matter. :D


    Also, the radiation they found has nothing to do with interactions. dark Matter cannot interact with regular matter. However, although it's a quite stable kind of matter (we think), it can decay sometimes and that's the radiation we detected (in principle could be just a blackhole increasing it's angular momentum tough the gravitational waves were not observed!).

    Hope this helps.



    Cheers...
     
  18. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

    Joined:
    May 12, 2003
    Messages:
    8,809
    Likes Received:
    372
    Location:
    Portugal
    Do you have any good recipes for black matter?
     
  19. Joe

    Joe Ace

    Joined:
    May 22, 2007
    Messages:
    2,948
    Likes Received:
    125
    did you hear about the Alien who was also known as Captain Kirk?










    He had a left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.
     
  20. cross of iron

    cross of iron Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2008
    Messages:
    123
    Likes Received:
    28
    Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu, want to illegally live in America. The brothers decide to change their names to seem American. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu got sent back to China.
     

Share This Page