Some jokes and some funny pics...

This one always makes me laugh.









I'm not sure how many people here will get this joke but i'm posting it anyways.



I've got plenty more, though some of them are in horrible taste, and I probably won't post them XD

 

spotted this on holiday in bangkok last week. now the wife has no excuses.



hope the pic works

 

Haha...I like this one.

 

Just "love" the Russian way to say things...

President Dmitry Medvedev has called on Russian Olympic officials to resign, following the nation's worst ever performance in the winter games.

Those in charge of preparing Russian athletes for the Vancouver games "should take the brave decision and submit their resignations," he said.

"If they cannot do it, we will help them," Mr Medvedev added.

 

What to do on an airplane when you find yourself seated next to a real jerk:
1. Take out your laptop.
2. Slowly open your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make certain your neighbor is watching.
5. Open your Internet browser.
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open them and then look up to the sky, or the heavens if you will.
7. Breathe deeply and open the site (The End!!!!)
8. Look at the expression on your neighbor's face.

 

many thanks, appreciated kai..

 

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

-------

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"

-------

Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or no."

-----------

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," his friend replied, "and left me $50,000. Then in September my father died, leaving me $100,000."
"Losing both parents in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $25,000." His friend continued.
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," concluded, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

 

LOL the clowns strike back!

 

Hehehehe! Good tag line!

I especially like the machine gun mounted up top..........does it shoot bubbles?

 

Here's another funny tank!

 

assing about is certainly what's going on here!

 

Sandra Bullock turned up at the Golden Raspberry Awards on Saturday to pick up the worst actress prize just one day before she is expected to win an Oscar.

Bullock, who won the Razzie for the comedy All About Steve, arrived with a trailer filled with DVDs of the film to give to the audience.

In other prizes, the worst picture of 2009 went to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen while John Travolta's film Battlefield Earth was named worst picture of the decade.

One of Battlefield Earth's screenwriters, JD Shapiro, also turned up to accept the award.

He said: "I especially want to thank the dozens and dozens of people who went to see the movie."

He then quoted a review from the New York Times which said: "Battlefield Earth is about the extinction of the human race, and after seeing this movie I'm all for it."

The Jonas Brothers were named worst actors for their 3D concert movie, while Bullock and Bradley Cooper won worst screen couple - also for All About Steve.

BBC News - Sandra Bullock wins worst actress award at Razzies

 

An American, Brit and an Irishman were all bellied up to a bar, each awaiting a pint of Guinness. Just as they were set down in front of them, a fly landed in each glass. The American turned up his nose and pushed the glass away.
The Brit picked the fly out, threw it on the bar, and took a drink.
The Irishman stared at the fly, gently picked it up by each wing, then shook it over the glass yelling, "SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!! SPIT IT OUT!!!"

 

I saw this 'toon this morning, and for some reason I thought there was a thread about the little kid who was given a bit of time using his Dad's mike at the airport was one here. It was a "bring your kid to work day", and pretty innocuous in reality, but the fella and his supervisor were both put on suspension (I think) for doing it. But, anyway:

 

LOL that last pic is really wrong.