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joke of the day..

Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by sniper1946, Oct 2, 2009.

  1. brndirt1

    brndirt1 Saddle Tramp

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    The Back Pew
    A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the
    congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a
    rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.

    After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation
    decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary.

    A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much
    the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much
    more it could potentially cost.

    After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his
    chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many
    gifts as He gives us."

    Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old
    lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice,
    "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we
    wear rubbers."

    The entire congregation said, "Amen".
    Gotta love those old folks
     
  2. RabidAlien

    RabidAlien Ace

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  3. Poppy

    Poppy grasshopper

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    Yep, climate change is not a hoax/joke. Neither is it man made.It just happens (the sun). No need to $fine the average productive worker in productive countries...Sorta like finding out Lance Armstrong is lying...This is the joke page...Let's just do jokes here, eh.
     
  4. brndirt1

    brndirt1 Saddle Tramp

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    [​IMG]
     
  5. rprice

    rprice Member

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    Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound and never left the house for 5 years.

    It is now believed he called the Navy Seals himself.
     
  6. Biak

    Biak Boy from Illinois Staff Member

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    A teacher is explaining biology to her 3rd grade students. She says, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter."
    A little girl raises her hand. saying, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

    The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.



    "Well,'' she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before

    we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

    The teacher exclaimed, "That must've been scary,"

    The little girl said, "It sure was. My kitty raised her back, went 'Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Sh*t,' the Rottweiler

    ate her!"
     
  7. brndirt1

    brndirt1 Saddle Tramp

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    An interesting take on cross species aging. This is one of the things many of we humans dread as we age, but think about it from this point of view.


    [​IMG]
     
  8. Poppy

    Poppy grasshopper

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  9. Biak

    Biak Boy from Illinois Staff Member

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    Good as place as any to put this;

    Talked to the Uncle today and he is fully recovered from his cataract surgery. Had both lens replace over the last month or two and has returned full time to the golf course. Four days a week, 18 holes each day. Anyway, He now has better than 20-20 vision and can see the ball much better. Too good in fact. Since he now sees better than anyone else in his group of 3 to 7 other 'duffers' who are by the way 12 to 18 years younger, he is the designated "spotter". His only concern is now he can see where the ball goes but by the time someone asks him where their ball ended up he says, "I saw it but can't remember where"! Must be terrible to be 92.
     
  10. Fred Wilson

    Fred Wilson "The" Rogue of Rogues

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    Russian Parachutist Landing in a Dust Devil

    [video=youtube;WHrTWih0rnE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHrTWih0rnE[/video]
     
  11. scipio

    scipio Member

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    Private Bobby Thompson - YouTube

    Wor Bobby gans to War

    Unfortunately you probably need to be from Tyneside to understand the accent

    Cut to the end if you are American
     
  12. Biak

    Biak Boy from Illinois Staff Member

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    [​IMG]

    I'll swear someone hijacked my account and posted this.

    edit; I think someone did ---- it's Gone !
     
  13. Cas

    Cas Member

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    Location:
    Maastricht, Netherlands
    Three men are shipwrecked on a deserted Island, an American, an Englishman and a Chinese.

    The American takes the leed and devides the taskt, he says "I'll take care of scouting the Island", "You" he says to the British guy, "Take care of the wood for the campfire"and "You" he says tot Chinese, "take care of the supplies".

    After while the American is done scouting and the Englishman has collected enough wood, the Chines guy is nowhere to be found. I wonder were he is the y say to each other. At that time the Chinese guy comes jumping out of the woods, yelling "SUPPLIES".

    And another one:

    A juniorhigh class has write an essay on sex and the story has to have a moral. Little Peter has to tell his one before class and does the birds and bees story. He gets an A. Little Susan does the story about mum and dad and that bird who delivers babies (don't know the english word) and also gets a A. Little Melvin is next and tells the following: John Wayne is riding on the prairie and sees 500 Indians. John Wayne dismounts his horse and shoots all the Indians dead. The teachter replies with: Melvin what has this story to do with sex? Well, Melvin says.... Nobody f*ucks with John Wayne.....
     
  14. Biak

    Biak Boy from Illinois Staff Member

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    Husband takes the wife to a disco.

    There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large - break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.


    The wife turns to her husband and says:
    "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

    Husband says:

    "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!
     
  15. brndirt1

    brndirt1 Saddle Tramp

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    [​IMG]
     
  16. KodiakBeer

    KodiakBeer Member

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    Did you hear about the guy who was half black and half Japanese?

    Every December 7th, he'd attack Pearl Bailey...


    We'll be here all week folks; don't forget to tip the Mods!
     
  17. belasar

    belasar Court Jester

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    After that one they are gonna throw rocks at the Mods!
     
  18. RabidAlien

    RabidAlien Ace

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    Nah, don't blame the joke! We don't need any excuses to toss rocks. :evilgrin:
     
  19. muscogeemike

    muscogeemike Member

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    Just heard this:
    In the 60’s a UK radio is interviewing a WWII RAF pilot. The pilot is describing an encounter during the Battle of Britain - “I was over the channel and this Fokker got on my tail…”.
    The interviewer interrupted the pilot and said “by Fokker you mean a Focke Wulf?”.
    The pilot said “No, the Fokker on me was flying a Messerschmitt!”.
     
  20. KodiakBeer

    KodiakBeer Member

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    A true story gleaned from a unit history book. A Colonel Johnson was the CO of the 117th IR and he drove up in his shiny jeep to where the lead company was taking a break in a long muddy march plagued with sniper fire. One particularly filthy and tired private didn't rise and salute him, so Johnson pointed at him and said "How would you like to be assigned as point man for A Company?" The private just said "I am the point man in A Company." So, Johnson saluted him and then drove away.
     

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