I'll say this from the outset. I'm an Amerophile. I love the very fabric of American society, it's history, it's people, what I saw of the countryside itself. Every Westerner, particularly english speakers, should visit. But, like any ravishing beauty....there are flaws, imperfections if you will. Heres my top ten..... 1/ THE KARDASHIANS Is there anyone outside of their neighbourhood that actually gives a dead sqirrel WHAT these people are up to? I find following the lives, loves and dinner menus of celebrities hard enough to swallow, but what, exactly have these attention seeking idiots done to deserve any attention whatsoever? I understand Mr Kardashian is a plastic surgeon, and has 'fixed' the bodies of his children, to what end? Isn't there a better role for someone like that, fixing people in the poorer quarters of the country, much less putting forward your family as 'celebrities' when their contribution to such 'celebritydom is their ass? Truly, these people should get an education about the state of the world or about America, and cease making the U.S. look as if it's populated in it's well healed regions by shallow, self-centered wierdos with far too much time and money, sitting around farting in armchairs and doing nothing for the same america that put them there. 2/WWF Does anyone really take the World Wrestling Federation seriously? When I used to watch people fighting one another, I used to see actual blood spilt, bones broken, saliva come out in great gobs. When you perform choreographed gymnastics using steroid affected people, do you actually get something that people take without a pinch of salt? I remain amazed week after week that anybody would plonk down hard earned cash to see this, let alone be entertained by it. And those terrible microphone monologues, with the steroid heads looking earnestly into the camera, telling so-and-so that he'd better watch out next week. Awful. Or the comentary that goes with it, with descriptions of moves that don't exist anywhere outside of WWF, or the commentry yelling at the ref "Thats not fair!". America would be much better of without WWF. The crowd might spend their money on something they actually need. Do it, buy something for the kids, go on, I dare you. 3/ DEREGULATED WALL STREET Can somebody tell me exactly why this section of American business continues to operate any damn way it pleases? Since deregulation, there has been so much thats dodgy coming out of the largest financial sector in the world that it's undermining confidence in the system. And, if banking and finace are such vital sectors of the economy, why oh why leave it in the hands of private enterprise? The government has to bail out these idiots anyway, so why not simply re-regulate and take over this vital cog in the wheel? Further, why are the people from this sector, who cause far more chaos than youth gangs ever could, why do they never get the punishment that makes repeat offense deterred? Makes me wonder whether we can get along without Wall Street altogether. What a marvelous discovery that will make for america, when they finally break free of the tyranny of Wall Street. 4/ JUSTIN BIEBER "What a minute", you say, "Bieber is Canadian!" Well, that much is true, and while he stayed there, he was like most Canadian celebrities, invisable. The problem occurred when he became something in the United States. The U.S. entertainment media made Justin Bieber a "celebrity", and I'll never understand why. I'm not even sure the kid can read music, or play an instrument. He certainly cannot stand in front of a camera without removing his shirt, . You get tired of these manufactured nothings becoming somebodies after doing less for the music business than Milli Vanilli. Why can't American talent scouts do the same as England, and let the cream rise to the top, so that we get a constant supply of good musicians, or great vocalists. No. America has got this manufactured star routine, and really what's it all in aid of? People with talent are out there, you've just got to be patient and search. Who remember's Fabian now? Justin Bieber certainly won't be on the next Voyager probe golden disc, like Beethoven, Mozart and the Beatles. He'll be just another TV bore, going from one 'ten' era party to another, boring the pants off one and all. Get rid of the Bieb, you won't miss him! 5/ THE DRUG WAR Isn't there a better way to solve your drug problem that turning your neighbourhoods into warzones? Surely, lawmakers in the country can see whats happening in America's cities. Don't they care? Can't alternatives be found? The way to cut the rug out from under the gangs is to make their drugs worthless. It's that simple. However you do it, it's got to be achieved soon, before another generation of American urban youth get sucked in by this. Rap music doesn't help. It makes heros of people who get shot, and makes the whole gang life seem like such a lot of fun and games. You've got to do something about that too. It's all connected. The very first rap song tried to tell ya'all what was coming. Nobody listened. And it was called "The Message", (Grand Master Flash and the Cadillac Five). "It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how i keep from goin' under....." Remember? No-one listened. 6/ GUN CONTROL Why is it that 4 million members of the National rifle Association can hold the rest of country to ransom batting on about their 'rights'? Well, buddies, people have 'rights' too. A right to live in a society without guns, for one. A right to expect that the police have sufficient power to be able to repond to a disturbance and not have the disturbees laugh themselves sick at the puny weapons they bring. I have heard some people say that the government, should they ever 'try to take our guns away', will be faced with them 'taking to the hills', 'camping out'. What a load of chest-beating nonsence. So, you are going to leave your wife, your kids, your other car, your dog, your freinds and family, all to sit in the bush, waiting for the government to blow your head off? What tripe. Simpler just to give up your guns. America will be better off without everyone armed and dangerous. It can be done. A google earth map and a bunch of tanks go from house to house, searching. Any found will be destroyed, on the spot. Yuo would have had your chance for a 'buy back', so don't whinge. You'll be making your beautiful country a better place to live, and giving those gangs a kick in the arse as well. 7/ THE SHOPPING CHANNELS Is there any other form of advertising that dripping with more insincerity than a shopping network? I personally don't see why something like a TV channel on cable has to be wasted with this. People have got better things to watch with their TV time, surely. 8/ THE LACK OF REAL KENTUCKEY FRIED CHICKEN In the seventies, when Kentucky Fried Chicken first arrived, its was dreamy. Cooked in animal fat, it was deep fried and pressurized. When you got it, after a forty minute wait in the line, and twenty minutes more as well, when you got it, the chicken was too hot to pick up. But, it was the best fast food EVER, hands down, no doubt about it. EVERY friday we looked forward to it. Then, something happened. They figured they wanted to make money, and stuff what the food tasted like. So they started to cook it, faster, and in some healthy bloody oil or anothr that doesn't have the flavour or the temperature of Kentucky Freid Chicken. They called this culinary disaster, KFC, and it's never been the same since. Can't Americans remember what actual Kentucky Freid Chicken was like as well? Or do we all have short memories? My taste buds sure remember it well. 9/ AMERICAN CARS Here i take a leaf from Brit motoring journalist Jeremy Clarkson. He calls U.S. cars "rubbish"; considering that Detroit is a disaster zone, I'm inclined to agree with him. Why oh why cant my beloved americans make cars anymore? They used to lead the globe. But my Toyota Corolla doesn't need me interfearing with it at all. I drove it across our interior, four days, without once checking anything except the tires. Thats reliability. And it's Japanese. 10/ AMERICAN KETCHUP We have something in this contry called 'tomato sauce'. Its red, and usually in a squeeze bottle. We put it on pies, and sausages at BBQ. Its not a bit spicey. I had the rare privelage of trying some american ketchup that was imported at our local Woolworths. We looked forward to a taste sensation, from what we had heard americans describe, and from the enthusiasm dispayed on various Yank TV shows. I unwrapped it, and put it on my sausages, and my steak, smacked my lips, and tucked in..... For the very first and only time in my life, I had to run my food under a tap before eating it. By golly, the stuff was terrible, and spicey.....and I wasn't the only one. For the australian taste buds, it tasted like someone had put an Arab's toe in my mouth! Hope you enjoy! Don't take anything personally if you're a Justin Beiber fan. The world will wake up, and soon!