Welcome to the WWII Forums! Log in or Sign up to interact with the community.

A World War Two Joke

Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by Otto, Oct 15, 2002.

  1. Otto

    Otto No More Half Measures WW2|ORG Editor

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    8,584
    Likes Received:
    1,088
    Location:
    Festung Chicago
    A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.

    "In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.

    At this point, several of the children giggle.

    I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me."

    At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company"

    "That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmits."
     
    formerjughead likes this.
  2. Doc Raider

    Doc Raider Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2002
    Messages:
    659
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is dumb, but....
    What's green and flys over Germany?
    Snot-zis!
     
  3. Carl G. E. von Mannerheim

    Carl G. E. von Mannerheim Ace

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2002
    Messages:
    1,221
    Likes Received:
    10
    Good one otto. I tell the one from Memphis Belle, but we've all probably heard it a million times.
     
  4. Mustang

    Mustang Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2002
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    :D :D :D HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHahahahahahahahahahahahhah :D :D :D
     
  5. Friedrich

    Friedrich Expert

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Messages:
    6,548
    Likes Received:
    44
    That is why I love this forum... :D :D :D :D :D
     
  6. Kiwi Ace

    Kiwi Ace Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2002
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Great one Otto!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D
     
  7. redcoat

    redcoat Ace

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,521
    Likes Received:
    138
    I first heard this joke when I was ten, only it was a Polish pilot in the RAF who was telling the story :D
     
  8. redcoat

    redcoat Ace

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,521
    Likes Received:
    138
    A true-life German Infantry joke in Normandy 1944

    How to identify aircraft overhead

    If its brown, its British.

    If its silver, its American

    If there`s nothing there, its the Luftwaffe. :D
     
  9. Jumbo_Wilson

    Jumbo_Wilson Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2002
    Messages:
    300
    Likes Received:
    1
    Otto

    I heard this too, but in this version it was Bader talking to a Girl's school assembly
     
  10. De Vlaamse Leeuw

    De Vlaamse Leeuw Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2002
    Messages:
    844
    Likes Received:
    2
    A good one Redcoat

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  11. C.Evans

    C.Evans Expert

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2000
    Messages:
    25,883
    Likes Received:
    853
    Great ones Otto and Redcoat.

    Redcoat--are you really a Loyalist? :D just kidding ;)
     
  12. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2002
    Messages:
    21,637
    Likes Received:
    945
    Location:
    Kotka,Finland
    Some collected jokes during the journeys in the net:

    This is said to be excerpted from "Masquerade: The Amazing Camouflage Deceptions of World War II," by Seymour Reit (Signet, 1980):

    An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, was a German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, and made almost entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.

    The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank.

    Early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.

    -----------

    German definition of ideal war:German weapons,Russian winter equipment,Brittish summer equipment,American rations,French entertainment tournees,Italians as foes and Finns guarding flanks.

    -------

    German teacher asked a student to definite paradox.Student replied:when the second man of the third reich runs away first.(happened after Hess flew to England)

    ----------

    (In 1944) How can you tell that soldiers in the eastern front are good friends? When soldier comes back from leave,his division has came backward 200km to meet him.

    ---------

    Finnish lietenat-colonel Nikke Pärmi commanded a battalion of criminals who had volunteered to serve at front.When a replacement arrived Pärmi asked why the man was in prison."I've stabbed a man to death" the replacement replied."Good,we need professionals like you "said Pärmi.

    When battalion was send to front,40 communist men of unit deserted to Russians.Russians used the confusion and attacked.Pärmi called to reserve unit"there are parts of my battalion coming in panic backwards.Try to hold these runners".After a while Pärmi said"after my men there are some Russians coming too.Try to hold them too".

    Some junior officers of battalion asked to be transferred to other units,because they feared that serving in this battalion might harm their further career.Pärmi gave officers a speech."Some of you have asked to be transfered outside of this unit,because serving in this might harm yours further career.We are going to attack 8 a clock tomorrow morning and after that 90% of you have no further career".

    ----------

    Very old joke

    This was English joke told in Africa
    -When clock goes forward it goes tictac but when Rommel goes backwards it's tactic.

    --------

    The Brits used to say that the Americans were "overpaid, oversexed and over here." To which the American response was that the British were "underpaid, undersexed and under Eisenhower."

    ---------

    June 1940 classified ad in the (German-occupied) Paris newspaper:

    For sale, six hundred thousand French carbine rifles, never fired, dropped once. Best offer. Contact French gov't. if you can find us.

    --------

    What's got six reverse gears and one forward gear? A. An Italian tank. The forward gear is in case they get attacked from behind.

    ----------

    One SS-officer was visiting in Finnish HQ and Mannerheim did ask him join to dinner. Suddenly during dinner German did took his cigarettebox from his pocket and said:
    - Hopefully I do not disturb you if I smoke.
    Mannerheim replied with ice-cold voice:
    - I do not know. Nobody has yet try to smoke.
    So there was not smoked anymore. Neither talked.

    --------

    Mannerheim, Hitler and Mussolini were having dinner in third floor of the restaurant somewhere in Berlin. During the dinner they started to argue about who have the bravest soldiers. Hitler said "German soldiers are the bravest in the world" To prove this he ordered german soldier who guarded the room to jump out of the window. Soldier hailed Hitler and jumped out. Mussolini did the same asking one of his bodyguards to do the same. Man shivered in fear but jumped anyway. Mannerheim didn't want to lose so he ordered one of his bodyguards to follow Italian and German soldier. Finnish soldier looked angry and responed "Why don't you fucking do it yourself". Then he walked out of the room. All agreed that Mannerheim was the winner of this "competition".

    ----------

    After the revolution in Russian loyal communist rised to high position in army but many of them lacked formar education.So they were asked to write an essey from their favorite hobby.Division adjutant writed from drinking."You can't write that"said his friend."Put reading instead drinking in your essey so it will look more civilised" advised friend.The essey was like this then:"One evening i feld i wanted to read.I and Sergei went to bookstore and buyed some books.We went to barracks and read the books but we wanted to read more.I've found one bible and after we had read that we went to sleep.In the morning we met divisional commander and he looked like he had read thru night".

    --------

    Nazi party official is driving in countryside when he runs over a pig.He don't see anyone around ,so he goes to nearby bearhouse to find owner.He opens the door,makes nazisalute and shouts"heil Hitler:Das schwein ist tot".At first dead silence and then loud cheers and barowner says that drinks are on the house.

    :D
     
  13. Mustang

    Mustang Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2002
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    :D Nice jokes. I'm anxious to hear more.....

    I told my friends a lot of the jokes today. Actually... they thought the Snot-zi joke was the funniest one! :D
     
  14. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2002
    Messages:
    21,637
    Likes Received:
    945
    Location:
    Kotka,Finland
    And one Stalin joke:

    It is said that in old times being accepted in the Soviet Communist Party was no easy matter, and it required passing hard exams and tests. There was one of these tests which was especially demanding and it was reserved to those young people who showed the promise to form the true cream of the party. It is said that, however, this special test was discontinued after it was passed by a young candidate named Josif Stalin. The test consisted in giving to the candidate a gun loaded with blanks (and, of course, the candidate did not know this, and believed the gun to fire real bullets). Then the candidate was told: “Look, in that room there is an enemy of the people. Ask no questions, go in there and kill him or her”. As a further element of the test the examiners had placed in the room the candidate’s mother.
    Of course, the majority of candidates refused to shoot their own mother and so did not pass the test. A few did manage to shoot the old lady, perhaps because they were truly ruthless or perhaps because they were smart enough to imagine that the gun would only fire blanks. But with the young Stalin things went a different way. The examiners heard several shots, then a tremendous noise. Then Stalin came out of the room holding the gun and sayng: “Why the hell did you give me a gun that doesn’t work? I had to kill her using a chair!”

    ;)
     
  15. Otto

    Otto No More Half Measures WW2|ORG Editor

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    8,584
    Likes Received:
    1,088
    Location:
    Festung Chicago
    Good ones! That lot by Kai-Petri is great. Do you gentlemen, (redcoat and Kai-Petri), mind if I use these jokes and put them on my website?
     
  16. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2002
    Messages:
    21,637
    Likes Received:
    945
    Location:
    Kotka,Finland
    Be my guest, Otto!

    I have gathered the jokes from books and the net so I think they are for free use.Some of them true stories!

    In 1944 Stalin told Churchill on Finns: " They´re stubborn and simple, and we must bang the truth with a hammer to their heads! "

    :D
     
  17. Greg

    Greg Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2002
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    1
    HA! These are good please keep them coming.
     
  18. redcoat

    redcoat Ace

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,521
    Likes Received:
    138
    Hello Otto [​IMG] by all means,I would consider it an honour [​IMG]
     
  19. C.Evans

    C.Evans Expert

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2000
    Messages:
    25,883
    Likes Received:
    853
    Ha haaaaaa, great jokes Kai, and if not minded, im goping to post one on the Wehrmacht forums. :cool:
     
  20. Friedrich

    Friedrich Expert

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Messages:
    6,548
    Likes Received:
    44
    Kai, I am still laughing, thanks a lot! Same to you, redcoat! ;)

    Now, I have a French one, from the Maquis:

    In a little town in Northern France there was a German soldier who was killed in the forest, it had happened on Thursday night and the German soldier's brain had been eaten by the killer. (Kind of WWII dr. Lecter) The German forces were mad at this and wanted to hang the guilty immediately and there was a suspicious men who was arrested, a Jew. He was trialed in front of the whole village. Then the Jew got a lawyer, who said:
    "My client, Mr. Mendelsohnn is not guilty. There are facts that prove that he could not have done it:
    -Jews do not eat pigs.
    -Germans do not have a brain.
    -And on Thursday's evenings, the Jews listen to the BBC!!!


    :D
     

Share This Page