A World War Two Joke

Churchill did not know Montgomery well, but they had met near Brighton in 1940 at the Third Division and had "very good talks" over dinner. When Churchill asked Montgomery what he would drink, he replied "water", and added that he neither drank nor smoked and was 100 per cent fit. Churchill observed that he himself both drank and smoked and was 200 per cent fit!

( Alamein by 2002 Stephen Bungay )

 

a polish pilot in the B.O.B.shoots down 2 fokkers on his 1st sortie,on his 2nd sortie he shoots down another fokker.his sqn leader says..so,you shot down 3 fokkers did you ?,he replied..i shot down 2 fokkers,but the last fokker was a messershmit !!!!.

was that o.k?,cheers.

 

During World War II, actor-to-be James Arness served as an infantryman in the American Army. When the troops aboard his landing craft splashed ashore during an Allied amphibious attack (at Anzio), Arness was chosen to lead the way.

While undoubtedly a charismatic and natural leader, Arness was in fact selected for a more prosaic reason; his commanding officer wanted to know how deep the water was, and Arness - measuring 6' 6" - was the tallest man in his unit!

Anecdotage.Com - Thousands of true funny stories about famous people. Anecdotes from Gates to Yeats

 

Somehow that sounds about right!

 

Here are a few funny pics... enjoy




Now that's my kind of motivation

 

" The worst thing about being a squadron commander was that you couldn´t fly as often as you wanted. I didn´t like briefing my chaps for a trip I wasn´t on. The best thing about my time as CO was the ability to have a laugh, the biggest laugh of all being when we shoved the TI´s ( Target Indicator ) down the 109 Squadron CO´s chimney...."

Group Captain Stafford Coulson, CO, 582 Squadron.

 

Nice pic boys....

British Forces - Royal Marine's Bofors Gun Crew

 

dumb and dumber,pac-man formation bombing,who's the donkey now!

 

" During the USO show, Frances Langford was asked to pin a Purple Heart medal on Lieutenant William (Bud) Walker. Bob Hope had been tipped off about the location of Walker´s wound and made a remark that Miss Langford should kiss it and make it better,which brought down the house. Walker had stopped a piece of Flak in his backside..."

From Checkertails by Ernest R McDowell

Also a great shower :

LA DOUCHE SUPREME - the Checkertails own heated shower, the envy of every unit in North Africa, note that the water is stored in a P40 droptank! When Bob Hope and Frances Langford visited the unit, Frances spent so long in the shower that the USO troupe were late for the next show.

 

ww2 german checkpoint.... YouTube - German Checkpoint Sketch

 

Finnish soldier

A young female reporter from a British newspaper was sent to Finland to write an article about Finnish soldiers returning from the Winter War. Interviewing one infantry-man, Jussi, she asked

"When you came home, when the war was over, what was the first thing you did?"

"I sc####d my wife," Jussi replied bluntly.

The journalist went red, and tried to change the subject.

"After that, I mean. What did you do after that?"

"I sc####d her again," he answered.

The journalist turned an even darker shade of red.

"Other than that! Uh - what did you do when you were finished with all that?"

"I took off my skis and had a beer."

 

From Hajo Herrmann "Eagle´s wings":

On the staff of the General Officer Commanding May-June 1941

" During the daytime I had to work on various problems set for me by the Chief of Staff, and I usually had to present my solutions in writing. On one occasion, I had drafted a paper of this sort with meticulous care, underlining what seemed to me to be the salient points in coloured pencil. I had no sooner placed my paper on his desk when the Chief of Staff began to bawl me out. He asked me if I was mad. I learned that green pencils were reserved for the General Officer Commanding alone, and red pencils for his Chief of Staff. To my question as to whether an exception might perhaps be made on this occasion I was told that there could be absolutely no exceptions to the rule. And so I began to work out for myself a new range of priorities-- pencil-related. Outside, the priority was to stay alive if at all possible."

 

A Bob Hope joke from the 1940's-

What's the definition of a Wolf?

Someone who dates a "sweater girl,"...and tries to pull the wool over her eyes!

 

"When the first mountain troops in parachutes were dropped at Narvik, one soldier fell directly in the water. Asked how he ended up there he replied: With the help of the three branches of the ‘Wehrmacht’: The army sent me up here, the air force transported me, and the navy pulled me out of the water."

General Dietl, “Das Leben eines Soldaten”

 

This is not a joke, but my father once talked to a guy who talked about one night during ww2...

It was a storm going on, thunder and lightning, but that was not the only things that made a noise. He didnt live far away from a german fortress, and they had opened fire because they thought they were being attacked.

 

Adolf Hitler is speeding through Germany with his chauffeur at the wheel on his way to an important address.
Driving down a country road, the chauffeur (who is distracted, looking out the window at the countryside) doesn't see a pig walk out onto the road, and he hits in with the car.

Stopping the car, he jumps out, and Adolf climbs out also to see what is going on. The chauffeur, very distressed by what he's done asks Hitler what they should do, and Hitler tells him impatiently that they're in a hurry and they should move the pig to the side of the road and go to the address and worry about it later.

All the way to the address the chauffeur, who is a fairly good-hearted person despite his employer, is worried about the family who owned the pig and wondered how they'd react to discovering the pig, so when they arrived he asked Hitler whether he shouldn't drive back to the farm and let them know what happened.

Hitler agrees before hurrying to the podium, and the Chauffeur hurries back down the road.

Four hours later, stumbling down the road, his arms full of sausage and bread and his breath smelling of liquor.

Hitler in a rage demands to know what has happened to him, and the chauffeur explains, "I did what I thought was right. I went to the farm where I killed the pig. When I went and knocked on the door and gave them the news, they gave me this sausage and bread, fed me the best ale I've ever tasted and then sent me on my way."

Adolf seemed confused by this and asks his chauffeur, "well what exactly did you tell them?"

To which the chauffeur replied "I really can't understand it either, all I did was tell them "I'm Hitler's Chauffeur, and I killed the pig."

 

During WWII, Hitler assigned Mussolini the task of invading Ireland. So Il Duce loads up a few troop transports and pulls up to the southern coast of Ireland. As the ships are pulling up, a lone Irishman appears on top of a hill. He yells, "I am the Irish army. If ye be intending to invade me country, ye have to get by me, first." Then the Irishman disappears behind the hill.
So Il Duce commands four of his best soldiers to go ashore and take out this one Irishman. Mussolini waits half and hour, but his soldiers never report back.
So he orders 12 more soldiers to go after this one Irish guy. After an hour, they still haven't come back.
Finally, Il Duce send out 25 of his finest solders. They swarm ashore and charge up the hill, guns blazing. They reach the crest of the hill and start down the other side outside of Il Duce's line of sight.
Finally, after 45 minutes, one Italian soldier reappears over the crest of the hill. Mussolini jumps out of the transport to meet his soldier for a report. The soldier is beaten and bruised. He has a broken arm, two blackened eyes, and a bloody nose.
In spite of all of his injuries, the Italian solider manages to pull himself together and offer a salute to Il Duce.
Mossolini commands, "soldier, report."
And the soldier says, "Sir. It was a trap. There was two of them."

 

My sister sent me this one:

 

Churchill did not know Montgomery well, but they had met near Brighton in 1940 at the Third Division and had "very good talks" over dinner. When Churchill asked Montgomery what he would drink, he replied "water", and added that he neither drank nor smoked and was 100 per cent fit. Churchill observed that he himself both drank and smoked and was 200 per cent fit!

( Alamein by 2002 Stephen Bungay )

 

here's a funny picture I found on the net





so where exactly is his finger going? Rule of thumb, never trust nazis with nuts.