Humor, the Best Medicine

i see somebody has a new hobby

 

The cat looks really pissy, I bet it's owner took hours getting that shot! And loads of scratches for good measure.

 

The Cerberus looks kinda cool, but the rest is tasteless as usual, I highly disapprove of dressing up animals as very few seem to enjoy it.

 

Since tone is hard to convey through writing let me just inform you that the following is supposed to be loaden with sarcasm.

It never fails to suprise me; the sheer brilliance of manufacterers these days.
Truly the messages they deliver along with their products are mindbogglingly briljant, ingenious.
With this it becomes highly apparent that they consider their customers educated beyond universatery levels, such deep thoughts are hidden inside the advice they attempt to convey.
As an example just a few minutes ago I bought a new pair of socks.
The following message, so brilliant and astonishingly summarised, was on the backside of a label which on the frontside merely displayed the company logo (puma for those interested);
WASH WHEN DIRTY

end sarcasm
This story is 100% true I actually bought socks this afternoon and the label was really there.

 

Truth is not only stranger than fiction, it is also funnier!!

 

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the bulb
4 to tell the one they did it wrong
3 to tell the four they're wrong and they know nothing
6 to suggest better bulb brands, styles, ect.
4 to discuss the pros and cons of the differing styles
3 to comment completely off topic
2 to joke about lanterns vs lightbulbs
3 to tell the two that their jokes weren't funny
1 of the two joking to overreact and say they will kill the previous three
1 moderator to tell everybody to tone it down
1 to tell the moderator to shut the f*** up, resulting in a ban
6 to laugh at the banned individual

 

I wonder where I fit into that equation? :wink:

P.S I never knew the forum had a lightbulb. Will the last person to use the forum please remember to turn out the light.

I said 'turn out the light'. Not take out the light bulb! :wink: :grin:

 

well, you're in the joking area
say, who pays the electric bill? (i'm the number 2 :grin: )

 

I wouldn't say that! (English joke).

 

Stolen from poster Billy B Cook on the Dilbert Blog
( http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilb ... l#comments )

LITTLE KNOWN MARITIME FACTS

A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better' ones.

1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea because I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher age 7)

3. Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

4. If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kyle age 6)

6. A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy shrink. (Kevin age 6)


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This one came to me from a cousin. The Americans providing us with some worthy additions to the English Language



The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary and alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2005 winners:

1. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Intaxication (n): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

3. Reintarnation (n): Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

4. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

5. Foreploy (n): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

6. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is, like, sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido (n): All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance you perform just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

[That's more than one changed, added, or subtracted letter, isn't it?]

16. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

 

Last night I dreampt I was writing 'Lord of the Rings'. Apparently I was Tolkein in my sleep...

boom boom!

 

GROAN

 

Nasty hobit that, talking in your sleep. Bad for your 'elf.

 

Stop this ent-ire thing AT ONCE!!!

Tony Williams: Military gun and ammunition website and discussion forum

 

okay, what about a vacation to Aragon? you know that they have brancing pony's up there?

 

I'll just take such bad puns in my Stride-er...

 

my good LEGO-fel-las, I've builded a white tower

 

I've had enough of this nonsense, I'm pippin off down the Green Dragon, with my miserable mate, Sour Ron, for a pint & some pipeweed. If you want to get hold of me, you can give me a ring wraith later. Derek's coming too. I'm driving, so he's driven Del. Theo & Den are coming by boat, so they are rohen. I want to see if I can secure the loan of a space station, whilst I'm at the pub, I'll see Borrow Mir.

No this is crap.

Sorry.

I'm going to stop now, before I lose what little credibility I have left on this forum.

 

David, your credibility may be about shot, but I thought that showed imagination anyway!