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Humor, the Best Medicine

Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by scaramouche, Feb 3, 2005.

  1. Quillin

    Quillin New Member

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    Anyway, why are the comparing Bush with Hitler. Bush never stared concentration camps and i bet Hitler was smarter then Bush. Or did Bush wrote a book called "my battle" (mein kampf) :-?
     
  2. Notmi

    Notmi New Member

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    Re: post subject

    That poster was actually photographed at Aleksanterinkatu, Helsinki, Finland. About 3 years ago.
     
  3. smeghead phpbb3

    smeghead phpbb3 New Member

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    Hitler, Mussolini and Mannerheim were alll having dinner one evening and the subject of who had the bravest soldiers arose... Hitler, wishing for there to be no doubt whatsoever, said "Ze German soldiers are without doubt the bravest in the world!" and he ordered one of his guards to jump out the window... The Guard saulted "Jawhol Mein Fuhrer!!" and leapt immediately through the window. Not to be outdone, Mussolini ordered one of his guards to do the same... The Italian soldier looked sideways, but not wishing to be punished for cowardice, he followed suit and leaped out of the same window that the German had... Mannerheim then ordered one of his men to leap out of the window, to which the solder loudly replied "Fuck off, why don't you do it yourself!" and stormed out of the room

    After dinner everyone agreed that Mannerheim's soldiers were by far the bravest :grin:
     
  4. Ebar

    Ebar New Member

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  5. Stix

    Stix New Member

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  6. Canadian_Super_Patriot

    Canadian_Super_Patriot recruit

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    Heres a joke I've heard.

    At a ventriliquist show a ventriliquist is doing his act and his act consists of a lot of bashing at dumb blondes. A blond women in the audience says that this act is terrible and that hes stereotyping all blondes as being stupid. The comedian replies and says"well , its nothin personal" to which the women replies "im talking to the small guy on your lap".
     
  7. McRis

    McRis New Member

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    Eurolanguage

    The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other option. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".

    In the 1st year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage were more komplikated changes are possible. Goverments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

    By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

    After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

    ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU !!!




    :grin:
     
  8. Quillin

    Quillin New Member

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    And here are some naval traditions. Women and children first and sailors are known for s**. The Japs combined it and what we get is:

    21 July 1944:
    The NATORI arrives at Palau. Embarks 800 Japanese and Korean "comfort women" for evacuation and departs


    It's just a question of priorities :grin:
     
  9. Ricky

    Ricky New Member

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    A businessman gets on a plane for a long flight, and finds himself sat next to a blonde woman. Thinking that he could amuse himself, and maybe make a little money, he makes a proposition:

    "Let's play a game. We ask each other questions, but if you get it wrong, you pay the other person £5"

    The blonde declines, saying she would rather sleep.

    The businessman persists, offering to pay £50 if he gets an answer wrong, while the blonde will still only pay £5. She refuses, so he offers ever more unfavourable amounts of money if he gets a question wrong, until finally, when he will pay £500 for answering a question incorrectly, the Blonde gives in.

    The Businessman asked the first question:

    "What is the state capital of Texas?"

    The blonde does not know, and gives him £5. She then asks a question:

    "What goes up a hill with 3 legs, and comes down a hill with two legs?"

    The businessman cannot think of an answer at all, so he pays the blonde £500. The blonde then refuses to carry on with the game, and goes to sleep.

    The businessman is frantic - he must know the answer. He asks everybody else near him on the plane, but nobody knows. In desperation he phones his friends, but they do not know. He even tries a Google search, to no avail. Finally he gives up, wakes up the blonde woman, and says:

    "What does go up a hill with 3 legs, and comes down a hill with two legs?"

    The blonde woman shrugs, and gave the businessman £5.
     
  10. Siberian Black

    Siberian Black New Member

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    Did you hear the one about the Private who burned his mouth blowing on the tailpipe to get the dents out of the generals jeep?

    (That's the joke, or something like it.)
     
  11. merlin phpbb3

    merlin phpbb3 New Member

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    humour

    Have just received these pics of our 'Troops on Tour', thought you might like them, or even for 'Caption Thread'?
     
  12. Quillin

    Quillin New Member

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    I'll go for the girl on the bomb. Feel free to share the rest among you :grin:
     
  13. Siberian Black

    Siberian Black New Member

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    This one goes well with the health care debate.... kinda:

    An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. “Well,” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here.”
    "That's amazing!” said the one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”
    “Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his.”

    Some slight editing (easier to read) but uh....yeah
     
  14. merlin phpbb3

    merlin phpbb3 New Member

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    humour?

    LETTER FROM A FARM KID.
    (Now at San Diego Marine Corps Recruit Training.)
    Dear Ma and Pa,
    I am well, I hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled.
    I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 am but
    I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop,feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay, practically nothing.
    Men got to shave but it not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal,eggs,bacon etc; but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours hold you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
    We go on 'route marches', which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different.
    A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. The city guys feet get sore and we ride all the way back in trucks.
    The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher.
    he nags a lot.The Captain is like the School Board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
    This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing, I keep getting medals for shooting.I don't know why, the bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk's head and it don't move and it aint shooting at you like the Higget boys at home.All you got to do is to lie there all comfortable and hit it.
    You don't even load your own cartridges, they come in boxes.
    Then we have what we call hand-to-hand combat training. You got to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break easy.It aint like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6 and 130 pounds and he's 6'8 and near 300 pounds dry.
    Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto the setup and come stampeding in.
    Your Loving daughter,
    Alice.
     
  15. Canadian_Super_Patriot

    Canadian_Super_Patriot recruit

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    Yeah, I like the pretty chick with the big knockers. Sounds chauvinist, but meh :grin:
     
  16. Ricky

    Ricky New Member

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    No jokes about 'blonde bombshells' please... :wink:
     
  17. Canadian_Super_Patriot

    Canadian_Super_Patriot recruit

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    shes a brunette , lol

    I also get what your saying, :)
     
  18. Quillin

    Quillin New Member

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    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Merlin, love the letter. Great shock when i readed the last two lines
     
  19. David.W

    David.W Active Member

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    Merlin.

    That was superb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  20. Roel

    Roel New Member

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    Excellent one, Merlin! I was smiling most of the way, but the punchline really made me laugh out loud.

    Here's a funny picture I saw elsewhere. Best imaginable caption has been provided.
     

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