Some jokes and some funny pics...

Bridalwave: The first ever burger wedding 'cake'

Well, it had to happen one day....

 

Ask five economists a question and, it is said, you will receive six different answers. Unsurprisingly, Harry Truman, like every president, often had difficulty extracting useful information from his economic advisors. "All my economists say, 'on the one hand... and on the other hand...'" Truman once cried. "Someone give me a one-handed economist!"

 

One for Lippert:

In the Navy a Chief can become an Ensign but an Ensign can't become a Chief. The reason is the CPO community, unlike the Zero community, has standards.....

 

Ouch T.A. Kind of rough.. I like it

Though, I will say there's a shade of truth to that bit given some of the Ensigns I've run across (as well as some of the boys I went to Canoe U with). My dad was a Corpsman and did thirty years - garnishing me with plenty of love an respect for the CPO community. I like to think that it makes me a better zero.

 

want to take a driving test with your drill sergeant?

Auto-Ecole

 

Boy, they are rough on new drivers in New Jersery judging from the accent.....

 

Thanks for the addition, I didn't realize this was New Jersey twang. You better listen to the instructors there I tell you!

 

The IRS audits Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'



I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'



The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'



The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'



Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'



The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.



The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.



But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it

 

Bigfun.. I cried.

 

I wish someone would.

 

yeah, that one killed me too! i'm still kinda laughing!

 

There is this pub, a guy walks in loudmouthing and yelling at the barkeeper, hey man give me a Coors, the best beer in the world.
The guy keeps repeating that all night long until he is totally pis..d.

The barkeeper wouldn't know how to get this guy out of his pub, when two other fellows stand up and say; no worry we will find out were the guy lives and we will drop him of. The barkeeper says, hey thanks guys have a drink on me and afterwards the two carry the totally drunk fellow out of the pub.

The next day the guy shows up again: hey man give me a Coors, the best beer in the world. He keeps repeating it again all night long until again he is totally pis..ed.

Again the barkeeper wouldn't know how to get rid of the fellow, when the same two guys walk in and offer to bring him home again. The barkeeper says, hey thanks guys that is awfull nice of you, have a drink on me and afterwards the two carry the fellow out.

So this goes on for a whole week, till on one day the same guy comes in loudmouthing and yelling, hey man give me a Budweiser, the best beer in the world.
The barkeeper is totally shocked and answers; a Bud? you been yelling around here for a week about Coors being the best beer in the world and now it's a Bud?

The guy answers: yeah I kow but I don't know why, but for some reason that Coors of yours makes my anus burn like hell since a week.

Regards
Kruska

 

Adelaide Zoo slammed over free entry for redheads | The Daily Telegraph

 

In this AP video interview, actor Matt Damon gives voice to the concerns of so many anti-Palin Americans. “I need to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago because she’s going to have the nuclear code,” he says.

Matt Damon Needs To Know If Sarah Palin Thinks Dinosaurs Were Here 4,000 Years Ago | Guanabee

 

Video: Colbert Report: Prescott Oil Loves the Earth
http://www.jibjab.com/view/253632
http://www.jibjab.com/view/253629
http://www.jibjab.com/view/56561

 

We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:
means a smile and
is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by

:-(
Well, how about some 'ARSE-ICONS?'
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular arse

(__!__) a fat arse

(!) a tight arse

(_*_) a sore arse

{_!_} a swishy arse

(_o_) an arse that's been around

(_x_) kiss my arse

(_X_) leave my arse alone
(_zzz_) a tired arse

(_E=mc2_) a smart arse

(_$_) Money coming out of his arse
(_?_) Dumb arse

 

good ones Skipper! i gotta pass that around!

 

A good friend was moved there by his company. He needed to go down to the DMV and get a new license since he was now a resident. He was told all sorts of horror stories about the wait, about abuse, etc. That is, until one co-worker asked "You speak spanish don't you?" My friend (a Southern California practicing Jew to make the picture complete) said "Yea, I speak great spanish!"
The co-worker said go over to (some nearby town) and get your license there. But, added "Don't speak english when you go." So my friend did just that. Walked into the DMV, no line, no wait. Went to the counter and in perfect spanish asked for a driver's license application and exam. The DMV lady in spanish asked if he spoke english. In spanish he said yes. She said they had a shortage of spanish language forms and it would be helpful if he filled out his application and took the test in english!
Of course he agreed making things go much faster.
In the immortal words of Yakov Smirnov the Russian comedian, "Is this a great country or what?!"

 

A nicer story this time:

Fans unite in auction to save Superman's house - Yahoo! News

 

Elvis has left the border: ePassport faking guide unleashed • The Register