Some jokes and some funny pics...

I have decided to become a write-in candidate.
Here is my Platform
(1) "Press 1 for English" is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it, or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the Country's attitude. No imports, no exports.
We will use the Wal-Mart policy, if we aint got it, you don't need it.
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the Southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens
(5) Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you aint gettin nuttin out. The President nor any politician will not be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week after the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
(7) Professional Athletes - Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you are banned for life.
(8) Crime - We'll adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. No more life sentences. If you commit murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, etc.
(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat. The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the money saved will be used to pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.
Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have and better than what you're going to get. Thanks for listening, and remember to write my name on the ballot in November.
God Bless America !!!!!
Bill Cosby !!!!!

 

Wow!

Naked swimmer evades police in Tokyo palace moat | Latest Top News News | stv.tv

This means war! Right?!! ( )

 

No big deal this is his daily routine after pub closing time at home

 

Ever wonder what those phrases in your job performance review really meant???

 

It looks like quite a few folks are angry about loosing a bunch of value in their pensions & IRA's.

sighn of the times on Wall Street ...

 

Truth at last.
Search no more for the "Big Kahuna" of myth & legend.
for it is ....

The Dolphin !

 

"Drunk" Russia soldiers return for Georgia pullback - Yahoo! News

Two Russian soldiers almost missed their unit's withdrawal from Georgia on Wednesday after spending the night sobering up in a police cell, Georgian police said.

Marat Kulakhmetov, commander of Russian peacekeeping forces in the Georgia-South Ossetia conflict zone, cursed the two soldiers as they were marched past, a Reuters correspondent reported.

 

British Military Officer Fitness Reports

The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used
for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are
actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....

- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

- I would not breed from this Officer.

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been,
but more of a definitely won't-be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire
satisfaction.

- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

- Technically sound, but socially impossible.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around
at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then
he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to
port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them.

- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap

- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- Only occasionally wets himself under pressure

 

A pretty pic here: http://www.strategypage.com/military_photos/2008101514644.aspx


I kid you knot

 

The army produces similar forms (OJAR's if you are interested) and I have heard of some classics in line with those above. The best has to be 'soldiers will follow this man anywhere if only out of curiosity.'

 

from a Reader's Digest. Don't recall the date, read it in a Dr.'s waiting room, so it's anybody's guess.

At anyrate; During the London Blitz, one bomb seems to have hit a power station or a transfer line or something. After the lights went out, about ten minutes later an Air Warden walks down the stairs with a lantern and calls out; "Any pregnant ladies down here in the dark?" And a voice from the distance replies, "Give us some time luv, it's only been dark for a bit!"

 

For Sale
Sony Digital camera, only used once. $300 OBO, need money to pay hospital bill.
Check out picture quality

 

From The New Yorker http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/cartoonlounge/farley-katz/2008/07/

When he was a young artist, Hitler styled himself with an artistic Dalí-esque look.




Later he wore a John Waters, years before Waters was even born.




Then, like so many of us in the late nineties, Hitler did the ironic trucker thing.

 

The first shows the tradition of Russian astronauts, according to it just before taking their seats inside of the space ship they have to take a leak upon the wheel of the bus which takes them to the launching site. I don’t know who started this tradition but they say all of them do, including these two from the latest Russian space program launch. This is the first time it has been caught on film for already 40 years of space launches.



And this is Leo Brezhnev, the Soviet leader of 70s filmed half-naked at his private moment. Publishing such photo in Soviet Russia for example could cause all the staff of the issuing edition to go to some distant Siberian mine.

From www.englishrussia.com

 

http://englishrussia.com/?p=2098#more-2098

Being a cop in Russia is not for the fainthearted


http://englishrussia.com/?p=2074#more-2074

Need an air conditioner installed? Get a cousin from Russia!

 

oh my, I'd be scared to death at such an altitude!

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7683913.stm

 

Yeah, may as well try and make some money from being stuck

 

Do you know what happened back on July 30th 1850; 158 years ago?

• California became a state.
• The State had no electricity.
• The State had no money.
• Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
• There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like the California of today, except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.