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The Legend of der PanzerPenguin

Discussion in 'Counter-Battery Fire' started by Peppy, May 24, 2007.

  1. Peppy

    Peppy Idi Admin

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    Many have heard the rumors of a fearful and unrelenting troll-destroying entity roaming these Forums. Trolls and Goons speak of him in whispers and hushed voices lest he hear you and cast his deadly gaze in your direction. Many of you Rogues out there may think that the highest ranking member here is our Gröfaz (Größter Forumherr aller Zeiten) Otto :otto:, this couldn't be further from the truth. There exists a being on these Forums whose keen strategic mind and dauntless courage is unmatched. Ladies, gentlemen, Rogues of the WWII Forums, I am speaking of the intrepid PanzerPenguin. :panzerpenguin:

    Having arrived here some years ago from his Antarctic Fortress, der PanzerPenguin has taken it upon himself to rid the WWII Forums of all manner of Forum scum. Be you an abusive troll, a silly goon, a flame warrior, an attention whore, or even an inflationary post whore, beware, der PanzerPenguin will strike without warning!

    Not much information on the PanzerPenguin is available at this time, but he can be identified by the items and equipment he is sure to carry. He is always armed with a wide array of weapons; a dagger, luger, mp40 sub-machinegun, chaingun, and an anti-tank weapon such as a panzershreck or bazooka, but most likely a panzerfaust. Der PanzerPenguin always carries several German model 24 Stielhandgranate, (In English: Stick Hand Grenade). In combat, the PanzerPenguin has been known to wear the German M1935 Stahlhelm (in both the regular army and Fallschirmjäger variants), as well as a pair of large chrome sunglasses.

    Here is an image the der PanzerPenguin some years ago planning his WWII Forums offensive at his Antarctic retreat Festung Panzer. Note the use of his strategic planning monocle and Field Marshall's hat.
    [​IMG]

    I hope this gives you Rogues out there a good idea of who to watch out for when you visit the WWII Forums. Remember, when you cross der PanzerPenguin your safety is not guaranteed.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    Peppy >>> PdPP!
     
  2. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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    Yes, Panzerpenguin has made several unwelcomed guests vanish, so keep up the good work PP! And thanx for the info, Peppy! It´s always a pleasure to hear about our favourite mascot with a MP40....

    ;)
     
  3. Sloniksp

    Sloniksp Ставка

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    :D :D :D
     
  4. TA152

    TA152 Ace

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    Is that Penguin German or Allied ? :p
     
  5. Peppy

    Peppy Idi Admin

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    He's allied against trolls and goons.
    :panzerpenguin: :_PdPP:
     
  6. Peppy

    Peppy Idi Admin

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    Yesterday (Wednesday, May 23rd 2007), I was on my way to Otto & Trouble's house when I decided to stop by the local Border's bookstore to pick up a copy of My Tank is Fight! As I walked past the shelves of books something low to the ground caught my attention. I almost missed him, but the pure intensity of this diminutive figure drew my attention. There in the military history section, intently studying a copy of Panzer Leader stood the mighty PanzerPenguin. I approached him with reservation, knowing the ramifications that even a slight breach in protocol might earn me. Fortunately he was in quite an amicable mood and he agreed to an interview with me. What follows is a transcript of my interview with the PanzerPenguin at the in-store Borders cafe. I had a Diet Coke; he had a tuna fish sandwich and an orange Fanta. This is the first part of a two part interview; I'll post part two when I get the time to type it up.

    [Peppy] - Hello.

    [der PanzerPenguin] - Good Afternoon.

    [Peppy] - It's a pleasure to meet you, I've heard a great deal about you, but this is the first time I've ever seen you. I'm assuming this means you live in Chicago?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - Not at all, I'm just visiting. I was conducting a little research on members of the WWII Forums.

    [Peppy] - Research? Who were you looking at?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - I don't particularly like to discuss my research, but I was looking into Otto, your Commander in Chief.

    [Peppy] - Otto! Really? Is there anything in particular he has done wrong?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - No, but I conduct due diligence investigation on all members of the WWII Forums, staring at the top with your Commander. No one escapes my scrutiny, especially the OKF. I would be derelict in my duties if I did not clear Otto, fortunately for him he has conducted himself with dignity and honor over these past seven plus years.

    [Peppy] - I see. And what if there had not "conducted himself with dignity and honor"?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - (he strokes the mp40 slung over his shoulder with a wing) I would have had to take...action.

    [Peppy] - Er...I see. Did you also take a look at Otto's other half who goes by "Trouble" on the Forums?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - Indeed I did. She's a beautiful and charming lady, a great addition to the Forums.

    [Peppy] - Does this mean then that all the OKF will be 'researched'?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - Yes it does, but judging by their history I don't foresee any surprises.

    [Peppy] - That included me as well?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - Yes it does. I have just finished with your background check. You have quite an non-conventional posting style, what with your common use of the first person and all. You do however possess adequate artistic and graphics skills, all in all a very solid member, despite a very low rate of posts, only 1 post every 4 days or so. In any case if you didn't meet my standards you wouldn't be here to have this conversation with me.

    [Peppy] - (I take a deep breath) Err...well...thank you then.

    [der PanzerPenguin] - No thanks are necessary; I'm just doing what needs to be done.

    [Peppy] - Moving on then, you said you were visiting Chicago, where then do you live?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - I travel very often, as there are always trolls vanquish, so I'm rarely at home. Between operations I refit, rest and recuperate at my home base, Festung Panzer. It is located "somewhere in Antarctica."

    [Peppy] - Yes we have a photo of you around here in front of Fortress Panzer. I like the monocle.

    [der PanzerPenguin] - I am not concerned with style; I am concerned with the utility of my mission: Justice for all internet users.

    [Peppy] - Where or when did this mission, justice for all internet users come from.

    [der PanzerPenguin] - It all stems from those bloody emperor penguins.

    [Peppy] - Emperor penguins? I'm not sure I understand.

    [der PanzerPenguin] - (he takes another bite of his sandwich before answering, chewing intently) You see Emperor Penguins are the largest penguins in the world, and those egomaniacs strut around like they own Antarctica. I'm what is known as a Blue Penguin, we are the very smallest of our species. Many, many years ago I was born into a village where we Blues were abused and discriminated against by the emperors. I spent my youth in fear of these emperors; they would eat all the tasty crabs and other crustaceans and leave us with all of the low quality fish. I mean, they didn't even leave us any of those lousy jellyfish or squid...

    [Peppy] - Man that sucks, I love calamari!

    [der PanzerPenguin] - Indeed. Anyways I had to take it upon myself to even the scales. I spent years studying military tactics, strategy and leadership. What we lacked in size we made up for in training, tactics and ferocity. We showed those emperors why they have yellow streaks behind their ears!

    [Peppy] - So you went to war with the emperors?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - It was a short campaign, and they had no idea what they were up against, it was all over in just 16 days. To prevent future conflicts, we agreed upon a just peace, more Marshall Plan and less Treaty of Versailles. It became known as the Antarctic Penguin Peace Pact, it established a peace that survives today.

    [Peppy] - So how did this lead to you taking things in hand at the WWII Forums?

    [der PanzerPenguin] - I was born into injustice. I spent my entire formative life experiencing it. As a result, I tained myself to fight aggression and injustice. I know of no other way to be. When I see trolls on the WWII Forums they have two options, either act civil or face me.

    [Peppy] - I've seen what you do, it isn't pretty. There are several members that "drew your attention" so to speak. I've never heard from them again.

    [der PanzerPenguin] - Every man is the designer of his own fate. When you cross der PanzerPenguin, your safety is not guaranteed.

    (end of part I)
     
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  7. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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    Absolutely brilliant Peppy!

    Next step: Hollywood!

    ;)
     
  8. PzJgr

    PzJgr Drill Instructor Patron  

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    Whew! Glad you passed the scrutiny of the PanzerPenguin. Good Show Peppy
     
  9. Peppy

    Peppy Idi Admin

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    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    :panzerpenguin::_pwned:
     
  10. Mussolini

    Mussolini Gaming Guru Patron  

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    I met der Panzerpenguins cousins in New Zealand a year ago...truly frightful. :)
     
  11. von Poop

    von Poop Waspish WW2|ORG Editor

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. Sloniksp

    Sloniksp Ставка

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    :clap:
     
  13. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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    If I were a penguin,
    Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
    All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
    If I were a penguin man.
    I wouldn't have to work hard.
    Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
    If I were a biddy biddy pen,
    Yidle-diddle-didle-didle guin.
     
  14. T. A. Gardner

    T. A. Gardner Genuine Chief

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    So, would it be improper to ask what you were smoking prior to or during this "interview?" [:p]
     
  15. Peppy

    Peppy Idi Admin

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    TA, How dare you assume I might have been under the influence of anything other than my own gumption. (And by gumption I mean fine Jamacian Red.)

    Peppy >>> I'm going to sine your pitty on the runny kine!
     
  16. Trouble

    Trouble Otto's #1

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    Sa Da Tay my brotha! Wa Da Tah! I should have know you were a fan.:trouble:
     
  17. Trouble

    Trouble Otto's #1

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    Nice diagram Von Poop. But here is how I like to picture the panzer penguin, starting to gear up for some ass kicking. I hope those socks are wool.
    [​IMG]
     
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  18. Skipper

    Skipper Kommodore

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    Did somebody on this thread use secret weapons I happen ignore? They must be powerful stuff (from the North Pole?). I can only imagine an entire army with little Panzer Pinguins.
     
  19. Mussolini

    Mussolini Gaming Guru Patron  

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    Classified: TOP SECRET - BIGOT


    Warning: DO NOT CONTINUE if you are UNAUTHORIZED to view the following Information.

    --------------------------------------


    Dossier: Operation PanzerPenguin


    Picture:
    [​IMG]




    Description: The following information has been collected over the past few years, it comprises all current knowledge on one of the most dangerous operatives on the planet. It is a compilation of interviews, classified files, and first-hand accounts. Lives have been lost gathering this information and in sharing this information. Read on if you have nothing to fear from the intrepid PanzerPenguin.



    Profile:
    • Name: Real Name: Unknown. (Known Aliases:der PanzerPenguin, PP, Emperor Slayer, der TrollJeager, Saviour, The One.)
    • Occupation:: Internet Troll Destroyer, Panzer Leader, Freedom Fighter
    • Base of Operations: Subject resides "Somewhere in Antarctica" in his glacial redoubt Festung Panzer.
    • Current Location: Unknown. Subject is known to operate in Chicago, USA. Other unconfirmed reports place the subject in Beltring, UK once a year.
    • Marital Status: Unknown.
    • Race: Blue Penguin, (Eudyptula minor).
    • Sex: Male.
    • Age: Unknown.
    • Description: Accurate information is unavailable at this time. Subject is approximately 18 Inches in height. White feathers on chest/front, blue feathers on back, head, flippers (wings). Subject has been seen in two distinct kits: 1) a Fieldmarshall's cap, red scarf and monocle (see above photo). 2) In combat subject dons what appears to be a German M1935 Stahlhelm and large chrome Sunglasses.
    • Battle Cry: "Phear der PanzerPenguin!" (Also appears in text form as "PdPP!")
    • Favorite Food: Crab, lobster, orange Fanta.
    • WARNING: der PanzerPenguin is armed and extremely dangerous! If spotted, do not approach him, report his presence to the nearest military authority. Confronting der PanzerPenguin is extremely dangerous, your safety is not guaranteed! be aware that his often armed with the following:
      1. A Combat Dagger
      2. Luger
      3. MP-40 Submachinegun
      4. Chaingun/Minigun
      5. Panzerfaust
      6. An assortment of portable, hand (flipper) deliverable explosive devices. This includes satchel charges, mines and most notably several German Model 24 Stielhandgranate "potato masher" hand grenades.
    Additional Information (A): As mentioned previously, der PanzerPenguin tends to have two distinct outfits. In combat he has been identified as wearing a helmet and chrome sunglasses. While in rear areas, subject usually wears an officers hat, monocle and a bright red scarf. Subject has been seen without any of these items, or with combinations or with just one piece (just chrome sunglasses for example), but he has never been seen wearing items not on this list.

    Additional Information (B): der PanzerPenguin is an expert in the handling maintenance and effective use of any and all Armored Fighting Vehicles. Typically, he employs captured vehicles, all of which are marked with the now famous twin p's "PP" in white somewhere on the vehicle.



    History and Background Information


    Authors Introduction: To this day, der PanzerPenguin remains shrouded in lore and myth, and countless legends and rumors about him exist on the World War II Forums. Amongst the grizzled "Rogues" of said website der PanzerPenguin is seen as an avenging entity who's draconian measures are accepted as par for the course. Some Rogues believe that the mantle of PanzerPenguin is passed down from generation to generation. That is to say that the position of der PanzerPenguin is passed down from Generation to Generation and that the current PanzerPenguin is not the original. However, there has been no evidence in support of this theory, and there is no reason to believe that the current PanzerPenguinis not the original vigilante. The following information is true as far as i have been able to discover. I have interviewed countless Blue Penguins and Emperor Penguins, Penguins claiming to be relatives of der PanzerPenguin, and even an Internet Troll whom was breathing his last after a reported encounter with der PanzerPenguin. As more information comes to light aboutder PanzerPenguin, it will be added to this report. I assume full responsibility for what is written hereafter.

    Part 1: The Early Years

    Blue Penguins are known to chiefly inhabit slightly warmer climates then the Antarctic. The smallest of the Penguins, Blue Penguins have historically been at the bottom of the penguin pecking Order. Who might be at the top? The Emperor Penguins of course! Emperor Penguins - large, egotistical, controlling, pompous - have long reigned supreme in the penguin world of the Antarctic. Or so it has appeared to us mere humans. There is an important, little known History of the Antarctic that we are only beginning to understand.

    It all started in a tiny Blue Penguin village one sunny, warm day. (A Warm Day in the Antarctic would still be a freezing day to most other creatures). It was a hatching day and a new generation of Blue Penguins were born. Among them, the only one of his family to survive childhood (his parents having accidentally trampled his siblings), der PanzerPenguin was destined for greatness. For years there had been a Legend amongst the Blue Penguins that the orphan child of parents killed by a Sea Lion would lead a rebellion against the Emperor Penguins and free the Blue Penguins from their servitude! Little did he know, but der PanzerPenguin was the Chosen One.

    Hardly a year old but able to provide for himself, der PanzerPenguin was not a typical Blue Penguin. He seemed very at home with his solitude, unlike other Blue Penguins. He was able to fish, albeit for squid and jellyfish as the Emperors horded the Crustaceons for themselves. He was generally friendly with neighboring colonies of Blue Penguins but all that was to change. One fateful winters day, his parents were caught eating Crab. The Emperor Penguins would not stand for this and sentenced them to death by Sea Lion. der PanzerPenguin never got a chance to say goodbye to his beloved parents, their sentence carried out before word of it even reached him. It would be something the Emperor Penguins would live to regret.

    Almost immediately der PanzerPenguin changed. It was this pivotal moment that set him on the course that would lead him to change Penguin history FOREVER!


    Part II: Operation PanzerPenguin

    The Death of his parents forever changed der PanzerPenguin. The quiet, calm facade was replaced with one of utter seriousness. The death of his parents meant only one thing for him: WAR. der PanzerPenguin studied books on Panzer Tactics and Blitzkrieg Warfare at the local Antarctic Library and manged to secure suitable weapons from hidden Nazi caches in the hollow earth, which is accessible via the Antarctic. He managed to do this in secrecy and became very proficient with the aforementioned weapons. (See the above profile for a list of his weapons)

    At this point, der PanzerPenguin began to recruit fellow Blue Penguins to his cause. All of them had suffered under the yoke of Emperor oppression. No Blue Penguin family was left untouched by the cruelty of the Emperor Penguins. These recruits formed a very elite unit of Penguins and gave the name - PanzerPenguin - to their leader. Their motto became: "Phear der PanzerPenguin!" a phrase that still strikes fear into the hearts of Emperor Penguins even to this day!

    The Emperor Penguins failed to see this Blue Penguin rebellion until it was too late. der PanzerPenguin launched the very first attack from his birthing-place, completely over-running the Emperor Penguin Forces in the area. The Emperors believed this to be a minor revolt and sent additional troops to quell it. They let their false belief in superiority over-rule their senses but even so there would have been little that they could have done to stop the rise of the Blue Penguins.

    der PanzerPenguin utilized tactics that were identical to those that the Germans employed in their attacks against Poland and France, steamrolling everything that the numerically superior Emperor Penguins could throw at them. They ambushed lines of Emperor Penguins, secured feeding grounds through covert operations and then held onto them until Panzers could arrive.

    The War only lasted 16 Days and would be forever known as the Penguin Wars. At its end, on Christmas Day, the Antarctic Penguin Peace Pact was signed by the Emperor Penguins in Defeat, the Blue Penguins in Victory. It placed all penguins on equal footing, gave rights to all Penguins to vote for the leadership of the penguin colonies, gave all penguins equal access to feeding grounds, and abolished the oppressive Penguin Empire, (aka the Fourth Penguin Reich). This was a great victory for all penguins, and der PanzerPenguin was hailed as a hero. The Penguins wanted to elect him their leader but he refused, retiring to a secret outpost now that justice had been served. But there was still justice to serve through out the world, and the little Blue Penguin known as der PanzerPenguin was out to do something about it!


    Part III: The Present Day

    After the Penguin Wars, der PanzerPenguin felt like something was missing from his life. And no, it wasn't a Mrs. PanzerPenguin that he was missing. It was...the fury of combat! He loved the feel of the cool metal of an MP 40 under his hand, the vibrations of Panzer shaking his tiny little body. But he didn't want to conquer the world, like Adolf Hitler or Napoleon. No, he wanted to spread Justice through out the lands.

    Sightings of der PanzerPenguin have generally been reported in zones of conflict, always fighting against the 'Evil' sides that seek to oppress the innocent. Its only been in more recent years that der PanzerPenguin has taken on a more passive but important role in dealing out justice.

    He soon learned about the importance of the Internet and decided that it would be his new battlefront against the forces of Evil. He realized that the Internet would give him access to all manners of things but also bring him in contact with people deemed evil. Thus began der PanzerPenguin's days of Troll Hunting, trying to rid the web of the vile creatures.

    In early 2000, der PanzerPenguin came in contact with Herr Otto for the very first time. Herr Otto was under attack by Hackers and things were looking rather grim until der PanzerPenguin came to his rescue, guns blazing. The Hackers were soon dealt with and Herr Otto and der PanzerPenguin became instant friends. Herr Otto offered der PanzerPenguin a permanent job on WW2F.com, where he would be able to continue his war on Trolls of all types - Hackers being one breed - while also partaking in his love of 1940's Era History. der PanzerPenguin was convinced and took up full residency on the WWII Forums and was soon welcoming two of the first Members - and Moderators - of the Forums: Peppy and Mussolini. *Note: It was in these early days that he christened these three seminal Rogues of the WWII Forums with their titles: Mussolini the "Wargaming Boffin," Otto the "Iron Gröfaz" (Größter Forumherr aller Zeiten = Greatest Forum Commander of all Time) and "Generalissimus" Peppy.* Other members would later be chistened as well, including "the Twin Fist of Nazi Smashing" Za Rodinu & Sloniksp, Erich the "Old Sage," "Kenraali" Kai-Petri and "Acting Wing Commander" Martin Bull.


    Part IV: Epilogue

    der PanzerPenguin has become a world class Troll-Hunter, feared around the globe for his 'no-nonsense' attitude and grim determination to rid the net of Trolls. Blue Penguins around the world revere him as a God amongst their kind. Emperor Penguins still fear his name, knowing how efficiently they were dealt with. Few dare to stand up to der PanzerPenguin; those that do are swiftly dealt with.

    Even with his all-business demeanor, der PanzerPenguin has become a much loved member of the Forums, especially amongst the members of the OKF that he has come in contact with on more then one occasion. der PanzerPenguin is some one both to be feared and to be loved. Those that get on der PanzerPenguin's bad side often 'disappear', never to be seen or heard from again.

    When talking to der PanzerPenguin make sure you don't call him 'a Little Blue Penguin' or 'a Fairy Penguin', as Blue Penguins are commonly referred to. Nothing ruffles his feathers more then being called a 'Fairy Penguin'. It is rumored that the very first Troll he vanquished actually insulted der PanzerPenguin by calling him a 'Fairy Penguin'. He can become very temperamental if he even hears the word 'Fairy'.​


    Rare Footage and Images of der PanzerPenguin in action!


    [​IMG]

    der PanzerPenguin Troll Hunting in typical attire.



    [​IMG]

    der PanzerPenguin training with his Chain Gun.



    [​IMG]

    der PanzerPenguin on Patrol in his favored vehicle of choice.



    [​IMG]

    The last thing a Troll sees when der PanzerPenguin comes to town.



    :panzerpenguin: :_PdPP:

    der PanzerPenguin's Infamous Battlecry.



    [​IMG]

    A typical Trolls Nightmare - he's coming for you!



    der PanzerPenguin in ACTION!:

    :pPmp40fire: :troll1:


    :pP_minigun: :panic:


    :bow: :pP_twinlugers: :bow:
     
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  20. Peppy

    Peppy Idi Admin

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    Glorious work Matt, you get 10 out of 10 for this one old boy! Rep given. A stellar 1,000th post. Congrats on being the 26th member to join the ranks of WWII Forums Veterans.
     

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