You know you're a panzerpusscher tankist if...

1. All your automobile purchases are made by Volkswagen and feature sand filters.

2. When you need bifocals, your request is for "something in Perspex".

3. You have unexplainable spasms whenever the words "El Alamien" are mentioned.

4. Whatever you might have done or should have accomplished becomes "if only we had taken Malta on that day".

5. You stay home during Autumn and Winter, refusing to go outside unless wrapped in bedsheets.

6. You push on your neck whenever you use the telephone.

7. Whenever somebody suggests you've "told ally", you become furiours, state that you always tell the truth, are a complete gentlemen, and have nothing to do with the Waffen SS or the British.

8. Your preferred "shower song" is 'Panzer rollen in Afrika vor'.

9. You've named your cat 'Tiger'.

10. Your son is Panzer Kampfwagen III.

11. Your dog obeys orders like "Halt", "Marsch", "Bigen links" ...

 

Never done any o' those but....wearing your gas mask, Stalhelm, rain smock, with plastic knife in hand answering the door on Halloween with a scream, scares the hellll outta da' kiddies.
And, every 12 year old I know loves my house because of all the 15mm tanks

 

Ah, thank god, I was beginning to worry I was the only person around who wakes up of a morning, puts another layer of polish on his brown anckle boots (in an attempt to make them black) and then lies and waits to ambush the partisan who drives the milk float. The post man does not have to worry, he is an informant of mine. Next I have a breakfast of captured eggs and captured bacon cooked over an esbit stove. After that is back to work digging the bunker in my back garden until orders come through to drive my Hanomag to the supply dump, code named 'Karalwaja News Agents' to pick up a selection of 'magazines' (such as Signal, FHM etc) and chocholat to boost the morale of the soldiers at the front (code named 'school'). When I reach the front I find a position from where I can await the progress of opeeration 'A-Level' through its various stages (History class, break, biology class, french class, lunch (when I often lead a brief forey into enemy terratory, known as 'town')and finaly chemistry class) At this point we are usualy being overwhelmed by the enemies secret weapon, an unusual weapon designed to deliver a stream of intence bordome forcing us to retreat in operation 'home time'. I return to my Hanomag and rush home as fast as I possibly can before finishing my work on the bunker, eating more 'captured' food and then bedding down for operation 'nacht slapper' (dutch). I constantly ask myself 'how long will I have to keep up this monotonous routine? When will the long awaited operation 'weekend' commence at last?'

Or maybe not. This is supposed to be some kind of disclaimer just to let you guys know that I aint an authentic Nazi (I know it may not be necessary but I posted something similar to this before elsewhere and got a lot of flak from certain people). If this offended you in any way, dont read it again.

 

Heh heh, you forgot to mention:: You know that somethings wrong when, all fried eggs start to resemble the German Cross in Gold.

When you see a "thing" on the road and lovingly look at it as if it is a real Kubelwagon belonging to Rommels HQ.

When you are on a bus in Germany and at one of the bus stops, an elderly man in a tan trenchcoat, looks like he was an ex-Gestapo Agent. (Actually happened in the small town of Egg)

You know things are bad for you when you are holding a steak knife and your eyes gloss over and you see instead, an SS Honor dagger.

You know you need help when, you look at the black swat helmets and you look at them as if they are double decal M-35 SS Helmets.

You know your mind is in a rut, when you are at the swimming pool and you see a person who resembles Eva Hitler.

Its pretty bad whenever you see any German Shepard dog, and you think of Hitlers dog, Blondie.

[ 01 September 2001: Message edited by: C.Evans ]

 

How about when your in p.e and start to think that your hockey stick is a K98.

You look out a window and think you saw a stug go by.

You start to think you have a soldbuch and can't remember were you put it.

You try to pick up radio berlin while driving in the car.

Your reading a car mag. and wonder how thick the armor is on a new mustang.

When you hear a loud siren, your first thought is to go to the air raid shelter.

When on the school bus you close your eyes and pretend its an opel bitz.

All planes look like allied jabos.

 

Ha haaaaa, I like that, thinking your Hocky Stick is a Mauser 98......

 

Its true.

 

Ah, how long it has been since I ran around the garden shooting at my brothers with a walking stick/golf club/cricket bat. I gave up that when I made myself a very nice wooden Tommy gun. We used to have a bit of a folding table which we had modified so that if you stuck one leg in the ground you could pretend it was a p.50 Cal Browning, until I made a hald size model. I made a STG44 and my older brother a Schmeisser, all in my grandfathers workshop, well, actualy he did most of the making from memory (it is strange the details an ex soldier will remember) and from photographs. What did you guys use when u were young and 'played soldier' or whatever? I suppose those re-enactors among us have just taken that a little further.

 

Ha ha ha, you would be amazed at the things we used when playing war.

(Check this uniform out) My brother and I used to wear our football jerseys for the tunics, bluejeans for the trousers, he would wear his white football helmet, and I would wear me dads G.I. Helmet (which I still have) my brother had a carpenters pouch as a web utility belt, and I wore my dads G.I. web belt with the magazine pouches on it. We wore tennis shoes as our main footgear. For our weapons, we had (not all the time but at various times) we had a small pointed board as from a picket fence--which we used as swords. We had for guns, usually water pistols or something similar, and once--before a neighborhood kid stole it, I had one of those toy rifles that you could move the bolt back and fourth, and you could see a "bullet" actually being "loaded".

For other rifles, sometimes we used brooms, and for a bazooka, we used those plastic tubes that golfclubs are kept in (we lost many of those and were put on restriction many times) At one time, we even had wooden pistols that fired rubberbands.

For fixed fortifications, we usually used a fallen Mesquite tree, which is the same one we used as an observation post, as the rest of the tree was still living and had grown upwards and looked like a big "V".

Gradually we grew to actually using BB guns, but thats another story.

[ 16 October 2001: Message edited by: C.Evans ]

 

Ah, I remember when I used to play soldier. Oh wait, I still do. In the good old days my parents would buy me and my little brother army jackets and pants at the Army Navy surplus store. Then our friends would wear green shirts and army pants or jeans. We didn't have any helmuts and we spent more time making fortications then we did fighting. Then when I was 12 we would fight with squirt guns and water pistols. It was always capture the train bridge. After that we upgraded to paintbal guns which seemed like a good idea at the start, but caused a few problems. Now I go all out for playing soldier.

 

Heh heh, at least you didnt use BB and Pellet guns AND actually shoot at each other like the dumbarses in my neighborhood did. Course, at the ranges we shot at each other, we colud not really get hurt as the BB guns were just those cheap Daisy BB guns-you know-the ones you could open a tube and fill it with about 150 or so BBs.

Ahhh, to be young and stupid--and I really couldnt believe at how STUPID we got at times.

 

Using paintball guns can be pretty bad too. Plus the police really really don't like it. Since we played by a train bridge every time a train went by someone had to fire at it. Also if you think it is a good idea to put a marble in a paintball gun you are sadly mistaken. Ah, being a minor can be so much fun.

 

Hey, you forgot most of the good ones in this. You really know you're a Panzer fanatic IF:

You think driving a King Tiger around town will get you more chicks than any open-topped sports car.

You have your monitor sprayed in Sandgelb and Seegrün.

You have camouflage seat covers in your car (seen that).

Your car is itself camouflaged (I've seen a Mercedes SL500 convertible in camo, would you believe it!!)

Whenever something makes clinking noises you turn around, mad with excitement, looking for the tank.

You shout with glee when a Ju-52 flies by (saw one yesterday, they still do small tours on sunny days).

You want to drive shopping in a Panzer III or IV because the boxes at the back of the turret are obviously made for that purpose.

You celebrate the 10th of May and the 22nd of June.

You only buy jackboots.

You only smoke Juno Rund.

You keep wondering how to add additional armour and firepower to your car.

You know you left your Soldbuch next to your Wehrpaß and your Erkennungsmarke, but can't find those either.

 

Panzergrenadier--Heh heh... I think were on the same track for "intelligent" fighting. Har har--shooting a paintball at a train--as if they dont have any graphitti-- and trying to shooot a marble from a paintball gun? thats a new one. What happened? as I can only guess.

Andreas-heh heh. I can see your point in driving around in a Panzer--it WILL keep people from having an auto accident with you for sure.

Oh yeah that sounds like a great idea, picking up chicks in your King Tiger--only just make sure they arent Pidgeons or Seagulls-otherwise, the products they leave behind, could be mistaken for anthrax; causing some elderly gal somewhere (probably in Florida, again , to think the terrorists are targeting HER)

A Camouflaged Mercedes--THATS sick! Its almost as bad as seeing an old beatup Chevy truck in Germany (I actually saw one)

A friend of mins girlfriend did have a car that when driving, DID sound like the clanking of treads from a tank--actually sounded more like glass bottles clanking together, but did remind me of a tank. (actually, I think her cars struts and other things like shocks-were all shot and neded replacing.

I also got "strafed" by two P-51 Mustangs as I was driving up Leopard street, yesterday. It was cooooooooooooool, being "strafed" by two of one of my favorite fighters.

 

I too have seen a Ju 52 flying around where I live because the Gary airport is home to one of them. I love where I live can go to airport and see cool planes and then go to the mueseum in chicago and go thru a u boat. Plus a couple of hours in a car and I'm at the patton muesuem.

Carl, all can say about the marble in the painball gun was that if it wasn't for the my friend's poor aim, our group would have been short a soldier.

 

Lucky bolldy you--not far from the Patton museum--NOW im really jealous--we aint got nothin worth seein round here

Lucky for your trooper too eh? What in blazes was that person thinking about? that marble would have been like geting hit with a 50 cal ball from a musket.

 

Louisiana is down by you right Carl? what about the d-day museam. I know how munch you like David Ambrose!!

 

Actually, ive only been through the "tip" of the great state of "L". I wouldnt mind visiting the museum, and I might like David Ambrose, but I sure do not care for his brother Stephen Ambrose.

 

Well I can't really complain about a lack of museums over here! If any of you guys ever make it over to Germany, take a look at the WTS in Koblenz, its really worth seeing (and less than an hour's drive from my home!).

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Nach dem Wachten auf die Pachten grabe ich in meinem Gachten Grachten für meine Jachten, da krachten die Achten.

 

I never had a chance to visit the museum in koblenz-tho I wanted to. The person I was traveling with mainly wanted this to ba a Kriegsmarine and an Ritterkreuztrager tour.

I was lucky enough to convince Suzanne to go to see a few castles though.