Your Own Country

If you had your own country what laws would you have, what would you call it ?

Ok, I'm calling my country Jackistan after my nickname

Here is what my country will be like:

The Commandments and Settings
(Amendments and Additions may be made)

1. Kids will not appear on television
2. Kids will have a curfew of 2PM and adults reserve the right to make them stay in the backyard
3. We will have no military. Chuck Norris and Bruce Campbell will be our military
4.Doritos will be the national food, preferibly the "sweet chili heat" brand
4. Coke will be the national non-alcohol drink
5. Vodka will the national alcoholic drink
6. People can apply to be naked on their property if they can get a license(which will invaribale be based on looks and gender; no guys)
7. Instead of having kids go to school to learn, they will be sent there so parents dont have to have a babysitter. We will make a machine that zaps all the knowledge in their puny brains, like on that awful movie "Battlefield Earth". Kids will spend their days cleaning chimneys and picking carrots, or whatever
8.Instead of killing prisoners they will work the salt and dilithium mines on distant planets and entertain us with Gladitorial combat.
9.Quebec is our blood enemy. They shall be invaded. As Tuna are the chickens of the sea, French Quebeckers shall be the assholes of middle canada.
10. People can believe whatever the hell they want, as long as they dont go door to door or lounge around certain parts of the airport. Eventually, a cult of personality will be built around me and it in turn will become a religion.
11.Nudity will be alowed on television at night. Not during afternoons cause people just aren't in the mood then.
12. Censorship, what fucking censorship ?
13. Gay kiddie cartoons will be banned
14. At least 50% of comedies must be british
15. We will have a giant laser that can be pointed at any nation, just because we can.
16. Prostitution is legal
17. There will be girl shows on at night so they wont see nudity. The last thing we need is whiney skinny girls who think they're fat and listen to Simple Plan cause they "relate" to them
18. Ed the Sock is our national Spokesmen
19. Muchmusic is reduced and MTv is gone. Muchmusic will show Much Loud ! and Video on Trial around the clock. In fact music videos will be made so Video on Trial can make fun of them
20. There will be a panel of musical taste. Only talented people can go on the radio or TV, so that means under no circumstances will rappers be permitted.
21.Everyone will be made to sample at least a little bit of Prog Music, Thrash Metal, and Queen.
22. Hippies are so fucking banned.
23. We will build a fake deathstar full of hippies to scare other countries and if it is destroyed perhaps by a young lad from tatooine, then our hippie problem is solved.
24. Marijuana will be decriminalized.
25. Richard branson can live in my country for free. That guy is just cool
26. Stephen Colbert will present most news with very attractive girls presenting 40 minute national weather forecasts.
27. Celion Dion will be shot on sight if she attempts to enter the country.
28. Only Simpsons episodes from the 90's shall be shown.
29. Chuck Norris and Bruce Campbell will have demi-God status
30. Sam Raimi will get federal funding for movies and will direct my propaganda commercials
31. Black liquorish and black jellybeans are banned
32. Wiggers will be sent to re education camps to learn that they are not black, nor cool
33. The U.S.A must be conquered. Cuba shall be my summer home in the future.
34. Significant resources to time travel.
35. We will give protection to pirates and have our own force of privateers
36. Our privateers are horny, poorly educated men who think with their crotch, so they will be known as "fuckaneers"
37. I will wear a Darth vader mask
38. Emo and Pop punk are banned
39. Animal Rights will not be tolerated
40. John Cleese will be our minister of Silly Walks.
41. I will conquer other planets and take the title of "Space Pope the Terrible"
42. Russia will be turned into a giant vodka and gun factory
43. The Rhino Party will be the only official party. Their policies will be implemented
44. Dave Suzuki will host every nature program
45.We will demolish combustion engined cars and replace with spiffy cool versions of the cars in the Jetsons
46. Me and Richard Branson will own all the businesses and put "virgin" in all their names.
47. people can shoot Lemmings as they please
48. People with B.O will be given free bottles of TAG
49. We will have shamans and witch doctors as our healthcare system
50. Like people having the "Best Garden" contests there will be competitions to see who can grow the best Marijuana

 

My country: Metronia (note this is also my country name in Cybernations)

1. No nudity allowed anywhere, period.
2. Kids will have adequate curfews and more freedom.
3. An unstoppable military will be formed to deal with threats from countries with poor treatment of it's citizens, young and old.
4. An almighty space fleet will be amassed to defend the country from alien attack. Conquering other planets is not an option, as Metronia will only use it's armed forces for self-defense and aid of comrades.
5. Despite commandment 3, Metronia will not attack a country with poor treatment of it's citizens unless threatened first. "Do not fire until fired upon." The President and Supreme Admiral of the Fleet reserve the right to override this commandent if a foreign country is simply far too annoying.
6. People are free to eat, drink, think, and do whatever they want, as long as it is not a crime. Crime committers will be punished adequately.
7. Censorship is mandatory.
8. A massive shield array and gigantic defense weapons will be erected to protect Metronia from any threat. These will not be used to attack, only to defend.
9. All drugs are illegal. Drug runners will be prosecuted and punished adequately.
10. Smoking is considered taboo due to it's impact on health, and citizens are encouraged not to do so, although no one's forcing anyone not to do so.
11. Animal rights are mandatory. Poachers from inside the country and out will be shot on sight. Furthermore, souvenirs and objects made from animal products will not be allowed to be brought into the country. Medicines will be allowed in restricted amounts.
12. Combustion engine vehicles will have ceased production, and all remaning combustion engine vehicles will be put in museums or sold to foreign countries that may accept them. Repulsorshift speeders and other alternative transportation modes will be provided.
13. Criticisim, ridicule, and abuse of religion will not be tolerated, as citizens have the right to think as they please, and not be insulted by others.
14. A super-advanced scanning system will be in place to detect anything out of the ordinary.
15. Explicit TV shows and music is illegal. Swearing is considered taboo.
16. Open border policies will be implemented. Racists and sexists will not be tolerated.
17. Lame toddler shows will be instantly cancelled to make room for better programs.
18. All spam will be traced back to the source, and the spammers sending it will be prosecuted.
19. Deceptive ads are illegal. Companies making deceptive ads will be shut down and their assets frozen. The companies will then be levelled for parking lots.
20. Police are authorized to arrest anyone suspected of breaking any of the commandments.
21. Citizens are not allowed to interfere with other countries, however poor and ridiculous they are in fear of deterioration of foreign relations. The military high command is authorized to use deadly force if any bad foreign influences affect the country on a large scale.
22. Foreigners are not allowed to make slanderous comments about the country in public. Those doing so will be prosecuted.
23. Anyone suspected of endangering public safety will be apprehended in a citizen's arrest. There will be no talking, just handcuffing and jailing. Talking will come later.
24. Anyone suspected of endangering national security will be instantly arrested, no questions asked. These individuals will be detained in maximum security prisons and trials will come from judges and jurys sitting outside the force-shielded tritanium prison cell.
25. Iraq and Afghanistan will be quarantined and it's lands sweeped until Osama Bin Laden can be flushed out. He will be shot on sight.
26. Time travel machines will be used by the government only to obtain future technology to safeguard national security. Citizens wishing to use time machines must go to the government for a thorough background check to make sure they are not criminal. A licence will then be approved. All time machines will come with a termination code that permanently stops them from working.
27. Due to the country name, all major cities must be bustling metropolises kept in top condition. No uncivilized actions within urban borders will be tolerated. This rule will be especially strictly enforced in the capital city, Metronia Prime.
28. Despite commandment 27, office towers will be allowed in the city centre only. The outer reaches of any major city will be reserved for detached homes and smaller apartments to give citizens more room to stretch out. This rule only applies to living spaces.
29. Any individual, group, or corporation excessively polluting the environment will be prosecuted.
30. Human rights are strictly enforced. Those doing otherwise will be prosecuted.
31. Protests will be allowed, but any rebellion will be dealt with decisively.
32. All airports are mandated to have the latest security equipment. Any airport found to lack this equipment will be temporarilly shut down until the new equipment is installed. Any airline charged with endangering passenger safety will be slapped with a minimum fine of $1 million.
33. It is mandatory that government groups moderating public transportation (e.g air travel) crack down hard on any airline or company thought to endanger public safety. Groups that fail to do this will be dealt with.

Maybe I'll think of more, and I know this looks like a direct counter to CSP's country, but this is what I think. Nothing more. I am prepared to be critisized (may have even spelled that wrong) and ridiculed.

 

looks to me as if both your countries will have to invade one another at once to remove despotic and repressive dictators ..after a long drawn out war of attrittion the french cannucks will prolly step into the power vacum and queen celine will rule from newfrogland to francouver island ..evetually of course , immigrants from the south will cause franada to become spanish speaking ,like here in the usa ...

 

Nah, if we fight, it'll be CSP who attacks.

 

My nations constitution was meant largely to be funny, if anyone hasn't noticed.

 

And here's me thinking you were serious...



Well, my country -

Rule 1) no puns
Roel 2) definately no puns
Rule tree) that goes for linguistic/accent-based jokes too.

 

1) We will have the most powerful military in the world.
2) We will destroy all other countries, in an act of anticipatory retaliation.

Ha!

 

1) Children shall be banned
2) Child-catchers shall be employed to coax children into cages using candy
3) Our spies shall attempt to obtain a flying automobile

 

My policies on kids, Celion Dion, and french Quebeckers being assholes are dead serious

I'd also second the pun thing.

(additional amendments)

51. People who don't know when to shut will be sent to camps with other people who don't know when to shut up.

52. People with Aspergers Syndrome will be given special status

53. "Fun at the Funeral Parlor" will be shown back to back every day

54. Fire the staff of "This Hour Has 22 Minutes" and replace them with the writers they had in the 90's

55. Acknowledge Stephen Harper is a human with the mind of a Robot.

56. Take Control of Tanks in WW2 and ban all those annoying little kids

57. Build Giant AT-AT robots like from the Empire Strikes Back

58. Under no circumstances will home schooling be banned

59. Che Guevara shirts shall be banned and replaced with superimposed photographs of me.

60. Build lightsabers

61. Anyone attempting to bring creationism into the classroom will be flogged and tied to a cross with "Always Look on the Brightside of Life" playing on a nearby stereo. People receiving this treatment will also be made to sing along for our enterntainment.

 

This has got to be against the guidelines in some way

 

Your country

Kids,I don't mind em..... but I couldn't eat a whole one!

 

My country would be called Federation of Earth (FOE!). The name should tell you enough, we ain't exactly friendly.

We will develop a nuclear weapon that has no redioactive residuals. This way we can completely clear out an area before we move in.

We will also impose an embargo on the United Nations.

 

Excellent Calhoun

I would also ban animal rights groups. people should be allowed to hunt. Animal rights groups are liars anyways and hardly give any of their money to animals

 

carnie people...they have these funny little hands....

 

Scrape rule 13, 15 and 24 and I'd be happy to make an extended visit to Metronia and have an option on getting a house there.
The day I set foot in Jackistan I wish to be shot on sight.

 

I could scrape 15, and maybe 13, but I think 24 is needed to protect national security.

 

My country

'scrape'???

 

As in take out, merlin.

 

Whatever!

Oh no, no, no,..........
'scrape'...................'clean,smooth,or damage by passing a hard edge across a surface.
'scrape'....................'just manage to achieve'.
'scrape'.....................'a scraping movement or sound'.
'scrape'.....................'a difficult situation.
are you sure that you do not mean 'scrap'?
'scrap'.......................'discard as useless'. :roll:

 

Help!
The Grammar Nazi's are here!
.
.
.
.
.
.



P.s. Clearly no-one has seen Chitty chitty bang bang