A World War Two Joke

Soviets listening to Panzer radio messages and interfering:

" Not many days before, it had happened that one Pz IV crew commander had hinted at his enjoying Zigarren. A voice with a decidedly Russian accent had butted in, and said " We are bringing cigars!". Their own brand, no doubt!"

From Panzer Gunner by Bruno Friesen

 

Finnish propaganda song WW2

YouTube - Njet Molotoff

 

Ooppss!

A German plane crashed off the shore of England.

An old fisherman rows out to the wreckage, but returns empty handed.

"Weren't there any survivors?" he was asked.

"Well," he responded, "one of them said they survived, but you know what liars those Germans are!"

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A very clever joke during war time....

BBC - WW2 People's War - PoW band's musical joke on their German captors

This is a photo of him in the was taken in 1942 and shows Harold Hastings and his Band at the Stammlager XXID prisoner of war camp in Poznan, Poland.

There is a banner across the front with some music notes on it. Dad said it was the biggest joke in the camp and the Germans never figured it out - it was the music to the song 'There'll Always Be An England'.

 

I admit I haven’t read all the jokes posted here, and I hope I am not just posting duplicates.

These two were told to myself by my own Mom and Dad. Mom was a "Wanda the Welder" at the Kaiser yard in Portland OR. from ‘43-‘45, and oddly enough it was she who taught me how to weld (both stick and gas), and cut steel.

This one is about "Hurry up Henry" and the Liberty ships. It goes like this. The wife of a local dignitary is invited to swing the bottle of bubbly and do the; "I christen thee good ship (fill in the blank)".

When escorted to the reviewing stand, and placed behind the politicians and others who are going to make speeches, she turns to Henry Kaiser and says to him; "excuse me Mr. Kaiser but there is no ship in the ways behind me!"

To which Henry answers; " Madam, as soon as the presentation speech is finished, you turn around and swing that bottle as hard and fast as you can and shout out your christening honoring your husband. If you dally around you will miss it!"

The other one is from my Dad, and if you don’t know that the nylon and silk stockings for the American ladies had been removed from the market for the war effort, and the replacement for same, you may not get it.

Question for either a wife or girlfriend of an American male still at home during the war years.

"What is worse than finding lipstick on your man’s collar?"

Answer; "leg paint on his back."

Sorry ‘bout that last one if it offends anybody, I couldn’t resist.

 

NICE AVATAR DUDE!

 

Hey! lovely jokes

I myself worked for a Henry Kaiser company, Kaiser Engineers and Constructors, but after a bit it was gobbled by another outfit, ICF (Inner City Fund), this one launched by Tuskegee Airmen veterans

 

After the war, Aimo Lahti the Finnish gun designer ( who had created the Suomi MG ), was being questioned by General Zhdanov in Hotel Torni in Helsinki. The guards had Suomi MG´s. Lahti asked Zhdanov " Why don´t you trust your own weapons then?"

 

Göring again ( during BoB ):

After August 18 the numbers of Zerstörer planes were getting very low. Nevertheless, Göring insisted that operations be continued, and decided to send them even deeper into the lion´s den.

His one edict that, in order to instil a keener sense of aggression, the well-known defensive circle manoeuvre should instead be termed an "offensive circle", was received by the crews in something akin to stunned silence!

Me Bf 110 Zerstörer aces of WW2 by John Weal

 

Frank Update

During the early days of friendship between the United States and the Soviet Union, FDR is alleged to have placed a call to Joseph Stalin. Having passed through a host of operators, a connection was finally made: "Hello, Joe?" Roosevelt began. "It's Frank. Giants three, Dodgers nothing."

Anecdotage.Com - Thousands of true funny stories about famous people. Anecdotes from Gates to Yeats

 

"Russian foreign minister Molotov coined a word during a session with British and American representatives. Observing the way they indicated approval by nodding and saying 'Okay,' Molotov to indicate disapproval shook his head from side to side and declared 'Nokay.'"

Anecdotage.Com - Thousands of true funny stories about famous people. Anecdotes from Gates to Yeats

 

At the close of World War II, generals Dwight Eisenhower and Douglas MacArthur were both considered prospective presidential candidates. When MacArthur indeed ran as the dark horse in 1944, his first wife was asked to assess his chances of victory. "It depends," she wryly replied, "which end you look at."

Anecdotage.Com - Thousands of true funny stories about famous people. Anecdotes from Gates to Yeats

 

Peter Ustinov: Tanks

"In January 1942, I received my call-up papers," Peter Ustinov once recalled. "At my selection board interview, I was asked if I had any preferences as to the arm I wished to serve in. I told the officer I was interested in tanks. His eyes blazed with enthusiasm. 'Why tanks?' he asked keenly. I replied that I preferred to go into battle sitting down. His sparkle faded abruptly and I soon thereafter received a letter ordering me to report to an infantry regiment."

 

About target practice:

" the unfortunate people who had to manipulate the targets were called the butt-parties. It was a job that was lengthy, boring, and occasionally highly dangerous. There was a system of signalling which indicated when a tank could fire and when it absolutely could not.Sometimes, signals were difficult to see, crews were careless or over-enthusiastic , commanders were flustered or distracted. Some of the simulated targets were cut-outs of men. One tank commander ordered his gunner: "Man,800 yards, fire." But the gunner had glimpsed something out of the corner of his eye, and quickly traversed the turret and started to fire at the target. " No, no, no," screamed the commander, "those aren´t men." " Yes they are" replied the gunner sturdily, "They´re running."

Tank tracks by Peter Beale

 

YouTube - Russian Rhapsody

Bob Clampett directed an astonishing group of cartoons at WB, during the short period between 1942 and 1946. Many of them rank among the greatest and most unique cartoons ever made, and this one called "Russian Rhapsody" (release date: 05/20/1944) is no exception. Sadly, it remains relatively unknown, and has the unfortunate status of "banned" cartoon, despite not being the part of the infamous Censored 11. With few rare exceptions, it's almost never shown on TV, and the only two official releases on home video formats are currently out of print.

 

One day during World War II, Pablo Picasso was visited by the German Gestapo in his apartment in Nazi-occupied Paris. One of his unwelcome visitors, having noticed a picture of Guernica (his depiction of the destruction of the Basque capital by German planes during the Spanish Civil War) on a table, asked, "Did you do that?" "No," Picasso replied. "You did."

 

Grapes of Wrath

Russian censors permitted John Ford's classic 1940 film The Grapes of Wrath to be shown because of its grim depiction of America's Great depression.
It was soon banned, however, because Russian audiences were impressed by the fact that, in America, even a poverty-stricken family in the Dust Bowl could afford to own an automobile.

 

Two veterans were boasting to each other about their old army days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."

"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."

"What was the jingle?" asked the first.

"Oh," replied the other off hand, "just our medals."

 

Heard this one from the "Churchill´s bodyguard" document

Il Duce and King Victor Emanuel III were walking in a park. The King dropped his handkerchief and Il Duce tried to get it for him. However, the King refused this. "Why?" asked Mussolini. "Because", said the King, "That´s the only thing in Italy you have not put your nose in..."

 

A little boy and his father are listening to the Fuhrer's speech on the radio as Germany declares war on the USA. The boy asks his father where the USA is. The father takes down a globe and runs his hand across the USA, saying "All of this area of North America, son".

The boy looks at the globe and asks "and where is the British Empire?". The father indicates Britain, Canada, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, and India on the globe.

"I see", said the boy. "And where is Russia?" The father showed him the sprawling mass of the USSR on the globe. The boy's eyebrows furrowed with concentration.

"And where is Germany?", he asks. His father points at the area of central Europe where the Reich is located. The boy looks very concerned and says "Dad, has Hitler seen this?"

 

http://www.history.army.mil/photos/WWII/ErlyYrs/SC180362.jpg

Sicily. Cartoon on the Jeep of Cpl. Paul F. Janesk, Antrim, Penn., with the face of Mussolini crossed out.

And more pics:

World War II: The Early Years