A World War Two Joke

Major General Pienaar , South Africans and El Alamein

"It was reported that not only Rommel´s shells but the misdirected fire of the New Zealand Division were falling on the South Africans.They were also fired on by British tanks and bombed by their own aircraft, Pienaar is supposed to have made a telephone call to the Corps commander, beginning: " Look here, Norrie, tell me whom you are fighting- me or Rommel? If it should be me I can guarantee you that my South Africans will take Alexandria in forty-eight hours!"

 

December 18th 1942 discussion between Hewel and Pansa ( The Vice-Chief of Protocol at the Italian Foreign Office ):

Pansa: Had our army many losses?
Hewel: No losses at all;they are running.
Pansa: Like you did in front of Moscow last year?
Hewel: Exactly.

 

On Guadalcanal, there were frequent Japanese small attack incursions made into the Marine defense perimeter. In fact, many of the infiltrating Japanese got well behind the main line of resiistance to attack softer targets of the Marine rear echelon. A small scale attack was made upon a Marine chow hall and the cooks there found themselves fighting hand to hand with half starved Japanese invaders before a Marine security detail could dispatch the invaders, down to the last man. Hours later, a grizzled old Marine cook regaled the men waiting in the chow line of his fight to the death with a Japanese NCO during the attack, embellishing it over and over with each retelling. Finally, an old Sergeant, waiting in line who was tired of the cooks war stories, spat out his cigarette butt and yelled. "What did you do Sunshine? Hit him the head with one of your own pancakes?!"

 

Göring joke:

In Germany, a new measure is to be introduced. One Gör equals the maximum number of medals that can be hung on a single human chest.

The nazi´s rule is over, the verdicts have been spokes, and Hitler, Göring and Goebbels are hanging from the gallows. Göring turns to Goebbels one last time and croaks: " I told you everything would be decided in the air."

 

During the winter 1939/40 the people in Germany were unsure of their fate. The people were depressed and in several cities open anti-nazi propaganda could be seen such as leaflets etc. One of them told of Hitler keeping a speech in London in 1944:

" Heil Europeans! Now that England and Ireland are German´s protectorates, when Göring is the New Tzar for Russia, when Roosevelt is offering the United States of America as Germany´s new colony, and Rosenberg has been chosen as the new Pope, I have no more demands to offer. Heil Europeans! Gauleiter Daladier will translate the speech in French for the radio."

 

Operation Jupiter July 10 1944

Somebody came upon the air and called out. "To my left there are 50 Sherman tanks approaching!"
"Say again,over."
"Fifty Sherman tanks."
"Did you say Sherman or German?"
"Sherman."
"Oh, thank goodness for that."

Tank tracks by Peter Beale

 

Golden oldies....

"The Nazis were understandably anxious to kill Winston Churchill, Franklin Roosevelt, or Joseph Stalin. However, when the Nazis were told by their hired spies, several weeks in advance, that the three were meeting in Casablanca, the Third Reich did nothing. Why? The Nazis' spies were Spanish. Thus, when the Germans were told the meeting was in 'Casablanca,' they translated that to mean that the big three were meeting at the 'White House,' in Washington D.C."

 

This from Maulden's "Up Front":
It was common for American soldiers to brew their own "hooch" since the American Army didn't have a liquor ration. Much of this home brew was really nasty stuff. After sampling some really bad brew, a soldier had sample sent to a friend in a Chemistry Dept. back in the states with the question, "What is this?" The answer came back, "Your horse has kidney problems."

 

Problem s in the east 1942 for AH

 

From Hasting´s "Bomber command"

In the late 1941 Bomber Command was struggling to reduce the german munitions production-And so was Hitler....