A World War Two Joke

A 'modern classic' nazi joke:

A group of neonazis sprays "Foreigners out" slogans onto a wall.

A strapping WWII veteran walks by and wrinkles his nose:

"Scandalous! This would have been impossible under Adolf!"

 

I pondered a little about this very first joke in here... a few questions:

a) As the joke is about Fokkers, does it maybe date back to WW1?
b) Would you pronounce 'Fokker' really in the same way as 'fucker' in English?
c) How do you pronounce 'Focke'? Remarkably different from 'Fokker'?

[ 13. November 2003, 01:42 AM: Message edited by: KnightMove ]

 

British propaganda Aug 1940:


...and so it will be best, mein Herrn Engelandfahrer, if you learn a few useful English phrases before visiting us. For your first lesson we will take: Die Kanalüberfahrt.. .
Now just repeat after me: Das Boot sinkt. . . the boat is sinking...
Das Wasser ist kalt... The water is cold. Sehr kalt... very cold.
Now, I will give you a verb that should come in useful. Again please repeat after me:
Ich brenne... I burn
Du brennst... you burn
Er brennt... he burns
Wir brennen... we burn
Ihr brennt... you are burning



http://www.documentatiegroep40-45.nl/english/terugblik/artikel/radio2.html

 

Shortly after the German occupation of Denmark during World War II, the noted Danish physicist Niels Bohr managed to send a telegram to his friends in England.

Having assured them of his safety, he concluded: "Please inform Cockcroft and Maud Ray, Kent." This odd line, clearly a code of sorts, was skillfully deciphered and taken to mean: "Make uranium day and night..."

Maud Ray, it was later discovered, had in fact been the name of Bohr's English governess.

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Homing Pigeons

"When David Niven joined the army during the last war [World War II] he became involved in one of those tedious military exercises carried out as rehearsals for the real thing. On this occasion, the general commanding our side thought it would be a good idea to try out the merits of homing pigeons as message carriers and rashly selected Niven for the task. Accordingly he found himself ensconced comfortably enough in a pub well behind the 'enemy' lines, from which he was supposed to send back information about troop movements. However, as the hours slipped past, nothing whatever happened, and the pigeons cooed away happily in their baskets. Finally, feeling he must justify himself in some way, Niven encoded a message, attached it to a bird's leg, and released it.

"Perhaps surprisingly, it duly arrived and everyone, including the general, clustered round the signals officer while he decoded the message. It read, 'I have been sent home for pissing in my basket.'"

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In the Winter War of 1939-40, nine divisions of the Finnish army, answering an unprovoked onslaught, held off forty-five Soviet divisions for 105 days. The Finns, ultimately crushed, were obliged to sign a punitive treaty in Moscow in March 1940. As President Kallio signed, he exclaimed, "Let the hand wither that signs this monstrous treaty!" Incredibly, within a few months his arm had become paralyzed.

 

After Hitler's rise to power in 1933, thousands of Jewish scientists were dismissed from their jobs. Hitler had little concern for the consequences. "If science cannot do without Jews," he told Max Planck, "then we will have to do without science for a few years."
Of course, many physicists chose to stay in Germany, hoping to preserve German science for better times. Max von Laue, for example, chose to
remain despite his disgust for Nazi policies. Indeed, in order to retain his dignity, von Laue began to carry large parcels under each arm wherever he went - so that he might avoid having to return a Nazi salute.

 

Star-Crossed Astrologer

In the space of a few weeks shortly before the onset of World War II, the outstanding Sunday Express astrology columnist R. H. Naylor predicted that France would never rule Spain, that a united Ireland was imminent, and that "war is not scheduled for 1939": "Hitler's horoscope shows he is not a war maker," Naylor explained. He admitted, however, that Germany "might at some point show interest in regaining Togoland."

 

When Goebbels wanted to make Hitler a special gift for his tenth anniversary as Germany's leader in 1943 he put together a beautiful edition of all treaties Hitler had concluded. At the last minute, however, he withheld the gift. Since it was impossible to find a significant treaty that Hitler had not broken, Goebbels' gift could have been considered as a criticism by the Führer.

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While shuffling along a crowded railroad platform in Rome one day, Hermann Goering collided with an Italian aristocrat. When the latter gentleman demanded an apology, Goering snidely retorted: "I am Hermann Goering."
"As an excuse that is not enough," the aristocrat replied, "but as an explanation it is ample."


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One day during the Yalta Conference following World War II (in 1945), Winston Churchill proposed a toast to his Soviet counterpart: "To Premier Stalin, whose foreign policy manifests a desire for peace," Churchill began before turning away from the interpreter and continuing in a low whisper: "A piece of Poland, a piece of Hungary, a piece of Romania..."


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"The Nazis were understandably anxious to kill Winston Churchill, Franklin Roosevelt, or Joseph Stalin. However, when the Nazis were told by their hired spies, several weeks in advance, that the three were meeting in Casablanca, the Third Reich did nothing. Why? The Nazis' spies were Spanish. Thus, when the Germans were told the meeting was in 'Casablanca,' they translated that to mean that the big three were meeting at the 'White House,' in Washington D.C."

 

One of my favourites:

One day during World War II, Pablo Picasso was visited by the German Gestapo in his apartment in Nazi-occupied Paris. One of his unwelcome visitors, having noticed a picture of Guernica (his depiction of the destruction of the Basque capital by German planes during the Spanish Civil War) on a table, asked, "Did you do that?" "No," Picasso replied. "You did."

 

This was not a single case.

Hollywood astrologer Norvell predicts:

Hitler dies in 1940

In a few months, Hitler will suffer a tragic fate. He could be assassinated, or die from a war injury, affecting neck or heart, or maybe commit suicide. His end will be unforeseen and violent, in confusion.
Hitler's stars predict spring 1940 to be a period of terrible infestation, in any case he won't survive this year.
His successor - Goering? - will face a German people in growing agitation. They finally will try to revolt against him.

(From: Look magazine, USA - 21. 11. 1939)

[freely retranslated from German]

 

Remember this golden oldie...

Hitler went to a fortuneteller.
"When will I die?", he wanted to know.
"You'll die on a jewish holiday", the fortuneteller said, after examining Hitler's left hand.
"WHICH jewish holiday?", Hitler urged.
"Who cares ?", the astrologer said,
"when you die, it IS a jewish holiday".

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One day in 1937, Oswald Mosley (the founder of the British Union of Fascists) spoke at a meeting of British Blackshirts (the spiritual kin of their continental counterparts). Mosley mounted the rostrum with affected dignity and acknowledged his cheering supporters by solemnly raising his right arm. This fascist salute elicited such a response that Mosley, encouraged, kept his arm raised for some time.
As the cheering died down, a voice called out from the back of the hall: "Yes, Oswald, you may leave the room!

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Major-General Sverre Bratland was involved in the capture of large numbers of German prisoners, who were subsequently confined to cages at a zoo in Antwerp, Belgium. The Germans later sent a note of protest to London...
The problem? The lions to whom the cages belonged had, allegedly, not been removed before the prisoners were added.

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Hitler's Death Ray

In the 1930s, Adolf Hitler declared that Germany possessed a death ray. This worried Britain's Air Ministry so much that it offered a £1,000 prize to anyone who could invent a death ray capable of killing a sheep at 100 yards.

http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=14618

 

Actually I'm not sure whether this one is funny?!

 

Not to worry KnightMove:


"we were billeted in the Antwerp zoo where we kept our prisoners in the lion's cage that had been empty of it's former occupants for years."

http://nanaimo.ark.com/~vimm/poems/lib_belgium.htm

Anyway, I read on the zoo animals in WW2 that for example in England they would have put the animals to sleep forever as the war had started
( probably had been going on for a while ) because it was decided that no food goes to "waste". In Germany however the animals were kept and the allied troops were quite surprised to see animals in zoos.Not sure what was done in other countries in Europe though.

 

A friend of mine was a Sgt. in a Panzer Grenadier unit, served in Italy. He once told me that the Germans had a standing joke:

"The Italian tanks had only one forward gear and four reverse."

 

..and the Italian tanks, according to some story, had the gear forward in case the enemy attacked from behind...

 

A good Stalin joke.

There was this young bureaucrat named Iván Ivánov who worked at the Kremlin, a few steps from Stalin's office.

One day, he came up with the dictator in the hall, who angrily shouted: "You?! Iván Ivánov are still alive?!" That night, Ivánov went back to his place, and said goobye to his family and friends. He knew that the NKVD would break in at midnight and take him away.

A year passed away and nothing happened to him, when he later came up again with Stalin in the Kremlin's hall. "You?! Still here! I can't believe it!" shouted Stalin, holding his pipe.

That night, Iván Ivánov went back to his house and said goodbye to everyone and waited for his arrest and death. Another year passed and nothing happened, except that the USSR won WWII.

In May 1945 Stalin held a victory party in the Kremlin, where he raised his glass of champagne and said: "The Soviet people has endured terrible defeats and suffering, but we overcame to them and won because we never lost our nerve, will and courage. But most important of all, we never lost our sense of humour. Right, Iván Ivänov?"

 

About this old one: Kai, what's the point? That some US historians are utterly incompetent? Or do I miss something?

 

KnightMove,

check the sources for example...The article is not real at all...

 

A famous German ( Munich ) comic Karl valentin who spent alot of his time in Dachau:

He often told in his shows about Dachau and how there were loads of guards and dogs, machine guns and electrified wire around the camp. Then he mentioned that nothing of these were a problem for him- he could get in any time...

 

In March 1940 the government decided to carry out an investigation into why people listened to William Joyce (Lord Haw-Haw) on the radio. The results were as follows:

Because his (Lord Haw-Haw's) version of the news is so fantastic that it is funny. (58%)

Because so many other people listen to him and talk about it. (50%)

Because people are amused at his voice and manner (38%)

Because they like to hear the German point of view (29%)

Because they hope to get more news (26%)

Because his anecdotes make people laugh (26%)

Because he is a good broadcaster (15%)

Because the BBC news is so dull (9%)

Because he is so clever (6%)

http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/2WWfifthC.htm

 

Herr what..? ( Adolf Hitler )

Something of the same here´s Napoleon for comparison:



http://ezo.hu/index.phtml?rovat=41