A World War Two Joke

True story

Churchill is on the radio, and he utters these immortal words
"Never in the field of conflict was so much owed by so many to so few"

Squadron Leader Michael Crossley C/O of 32 Squadron RAF on hearing these words turns to his pilots and says
"Careful chaps, the PM has seen our mess bill"

 

A crappy WW2 joke...

Why did Hitler commit suicide late in WW2?

He saw the gas bill...

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Hitler was the poorest golf player in the world.He never got out of the bunker...

 

Not especially WW2, but with a character. This "happened" when Charles de Gaulle was president of France.

The parson of Colombey Les Deux Églises, his home village, was annoyed because M. le Président had stopped coming back on Christmas. So he wrote a letter to the Palais de l'Elysée telling of his concerns, as Chrstmas was getting close and there was no sign of Presidential intention.

When Christmans did come, le Général still would not come, but sent instead a magnificent wreath to the church with the lettering: "Du Grand Charles au Petit Jésus" *.

The priest got angered at the arrogance and wrote a scathing letter!

De Gaulle sent a second wreath, even bigger than the first, with the writing: "Du premier de France au deuxième de la Trinité" ** .

This was too much for the priest. He went to his bishop, showed him de Gaulle's writings, and both went to Paris demanding that the Président would go to Colombey. Heck, he had to go, after all la France was the old country of His Most Catholic Majesties, the Virgin herself had appeared in French soil at Lourdes, etc etc.

Le Grand Charles finally consented, but he said: "Très bien, J'y irai, mais je ne ferai qu'une seule apparition!" ***

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Translating from the language of Rochambeau and Lafayette:

* from the Great Charles to the Child Jesus

** from the first of France to the second of the Trinity

*** all right, I'll go, but I shall make only one apparition!

 

Well, almost a WW2 joke.

Mannerheim was visiting France and met Petain before the WW2. He discussed the Finnish situation with the USSR and Petain led Mannerheim to the map, showed Iceland on it, and asked " How could the USSR threaten you in any way??"

 

Well, interesting...

 

Propaganda images of Hitler:

http://www.adh.brighton.ac.uk/schoolofdesign/MA.COURSE/LHitler.html

 

This is a real exchange between a British Airways 747 flight and the Frankfurt Control Tower:

British Airway: "This is Flight 156, please direct to proper gate."

Tower: "Flight 156, proceed to gate 32."

The 747, however, remains on the taxiway.

Tower (with marked impatience): "Do you not know where gate 32 is? Is this your first time to Frankfurt?"

Flight 156; "I was here twice in ‘44, but it was dark and I didn't land."

 

That's true, AFR ! I believe it was the first 747 flight into Frankfurt, which is one of the reasons why the pilot was uncertain about the taxying protocol....

 

I consider this humour...

The USSR won the war, because the Germans did not know the correct way to relieve themselves.

The Wermacht-s instructions were found in the archives by Aleksey Kirichenko, a scientist from the Institute of Asian Studies of the Russian Academy of Sciences. It is known that the translation of the instructions were put on Stalin-s table on May of 1942. They say that Stalin laughed his head off, and then realized that the Germans would lose the war.

http://english.pravda.ru/fun/2002/03/25/27169.html

 

WW2 humour:

..the first sea battle between battleships in the Mediterranean and it will pass to History as the battle of Punta Stilo.

The battle, for itself not conclusive, put to knot the insufficient integration between Italian sea and air units, and, beyond that, the inefficiency of the Italian aircraft bombs, weighting only 250 Kg, against naval units (English sailors, after the first experiences, called them "cow shits")....

http://www.regiamarina.it/history.htm

 

Nasty, nasty...

Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003?
A. This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German puppets what to do.

Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
Mirage

How did the French react to German reunification?
They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.

Q: How can you recognize a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits

 

A granny came to the newsagent's and asked for the Das Reich magazine.
"There's no Das Reich any more," says the agent.
She went away a bit, returned in a while and asked again:
"Das Reich, please."
He didn't recognize her and repeated calmly:
"There is no Das Reich anymore."
She left, but minutes later she's back and asking for the same. The agent recognized her this time and spitted angrily: "I told you twice. There is no Das Reich any more. What is it with you?"
"I just could listen to this all the time..."

The Germans had these collection campaigns all the time. They collected scrap paper, scrap metal, blankets, gloves, old cloths, they collected money every "Opfersonntag", they took skis, bells, car batteries, rail car cranks, shortly, they stole whatever they could.
"Man, have you heard? On Sunday they'll start collecting all chairs!"
"Why?"
"Germans have been standing too long at Stalingrad!"

K.H. Frank, the Minister of State to the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia, complained to one of his faithful colleagues that there is no street, square or anything named after him. "Heydrich has an Embankment, Hitler has a Platz, Goering-Strasse everywhere, Konrad-Henlein-Platz and I am still without anything with my name on it."
"Just wait till after the war ends," his comrade told him, "the whole Ruhr area will be called Frankreich after you."

Hannibal, Alexander the Great and Napoleon were looking down from heaven on this war. They watched it, cheered and suddenly, Hannibal sighed: "Oh my, how easy it is to fight a war today! If I only had these thanks instead of elephants, I'd beat the Romans for sure!" Alexander just waved his hand: "You can say that again! Where would I be if I had the air forces of today!" Napoleon just smiled: "Guys, guys - aren't you a little bit immodest? I would settle for a single Goebbels. No one would know today I lost at Waterloo!"

 

Hitler was well aware of the low opinion in which Ribbentrop was held. According to Herr Spitzy, Göring told Hitler that Ribbentrop was a stupid ass. Hitler replied, But after all, he knows quite a lot of important people in England. Göring retorted, Mein Führer, that may be right, but the bad thing is, they know him.

 

During the closing days of W.W. II it had become obvious that the Royal Navy had been eclipsed by the United States Navy.
Admiral Sir James Somerville, who had been head of the British Naval Delegation to Washington, was on his way home when he received this signal from Fleet Admiral Ernest King USN, who was no lover of the RN, "How does it feel to belong to the world's second largest navy?"

To which Somerville replied, "How does it feel to still belong to the second best?"

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On their return to Gibraltar from hunting Bismarck, the ships of Force H were loudly cheered by crowds lining the mole. In the midst of all of this one British army officer yelled, "Does it take all the bloody navy to sink Bismarck?" The reply came from Renown "No, only half. The other half is evacuating you bastards from Crete."

http://www.bismarck-class.dk/miscellaneous/humour_propaganda/humour_propaganda.html

 

12/02/1941

The Italians surrender 20,000 men, 200 guns and 120 tanks to just 3,000 British troops in North Africa. Anthony Eden makes a speech parodying Winston Churchill's famous 'Battle of Britain' speech. He says "Never has so much been surrendered, by so many, to so few".

 

Those ar great! keep em up!

 

thats pretty good otto. job well done

 

"To the Glider Pilots - conceived in error, suffering a long and painful period of gestation, and finally delivered at the wrong place at the wrong time."


-- Traditional toast raised by the Glider Pilots every year at the annual reunion of the National
World War Two Glider Pilots Association



More glider pilot humour

http://www.pointvista.com/WW2GliderPilots/GliderPilotHumor.htm

 

WW2 Daily Mail cartoons

http://www.llgc.org.uk/illingworth/illingworth_s013.htm