joke of the day..

I actually laughed out loud, Sys3. That's total Jewish haha. ..Was just reading Lenny Bruce's auto. Lenny Bruce prolly wouldn't have made it today. He did some stuff- the prison riot- that was funny. Talented but wasted it all.

 

Simpsons in Australia...

the simpsons - beer coffee - YouTube

 

Spiders On Crack Cocaine

[video=youtube;mTKQC8hFjHo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTKQC8hFjHo[/video]

 

This quote that I just ran across in Mark Twain's autobiography is too good not to pass along; "History may not repeat itself, but occasionally it does rhyme."

 

Last night I watched a DVD documentary on the life of Will Rogers, and while the entire show was wonderful and I recommend it to any who can find it, he had one comment on the US Congress that is just too true.

Will Rogers; "The problem with our Congress is every time they make a joke it becomes a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke!"

 

Peter, a well known anti-Semite, walks into a bar and is about to order a
drink when he sees a guy close by with kippa, tzitzis, and payos. He doesn't
have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. So Peter shouts over
to the bartender so everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here,
bartender, but not for that guy over there," pointing to the Jewish guy.

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, Peter notices that the Jewish
guy is smiling, and calls to Peter and says, "Thank you." This infuriates
him and in a loud voice, he once again orders drinks for everyone except the
Jewish guy. But as before, this does not seem to
worry the Jewish guy who continues to smile, and again says, "Thank you."



So Peter says to the barman, "What's the matter with that guy over there?
I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar except that guy,
and all he does is smile and thank me. Is something wrong with him or
something?"

"Not at all," replies the barman. "He's the owner.

 

Bwahahahahahahaahahahaaa!!! Good one!

 

LOL

Regards,

 

Brilliant. Thanks for posting this....Other than the last statement about "moving to Mexico" this entire voice mail message could easily be applied to some of the parents that secondary school teachers have to deal with in southern Ontario.

The sense of entitlement of some adolescents -actively encouraged by their parents- has made for a sad, and increasingly confrontational situation.

When these kids -many of whom have had their every whim indulged since birth- get out into the real world, they're in for one hell of a shock.

Of course, some of our students are kind, sensitive, intelligent, responsible and hardworking people. -So it's important not to generalize too much.

 

When Rudolph Hess flew to Great Britain in 1941, the nazi-leaders had a serious problem explaning this to the public. They decided to declare that he was insane. At that time there was a joke what was told in Germany:

For a long time we are singng Und wir fahren gegen Engeland. Now, when one of us really did this, they declare him insane.

 

Just ran across a 'toon today, in the Frank and Ernest section. I think it was in Frank's voice; "...the bad thing about living in the fast lane, is you reach the exit ramp faster." Think about it boys and girls, it might be in a cartoon but it is true none the less.

 

I had good one about a firing squad, but I don't know if it'd offend any people here so I'll just stick to this one;

Military Warning Labels:
“Aim towards the Enemy.” -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. -U.S. Marine Corps
“Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.” -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
“If the enemy is in range, so are you.” -Infantry Journal
“A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.” -Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance.
“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.” -U.S. Air Force Manual
“Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.” -Infantry Journal
“Tracers work both ways.” -U.S. Army Ordnance
“Five-second fuses only last three seconds.” -Infantry Journal
“Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.” –David Hackworth
“If your attack is going too well, you’re walking into an ambush.” -Infantry Journal
“No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.” -Joe Gay
“Any ship can be a minesweeper… once.” -Anon
“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.” -Unknown Marine Recruit
“Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you.” -Your Buddies
“If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.” -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

 

Radar, one of my favorites in the "military rules to live by" has to be; "Don't worry too much about the bullet with your name on it. Worry about the mortar, bomb, shell, or grenade labeled 'to whom it may concern'!"

 

:rainbowslide: Remember this the next time you are nose to nose in the worst firefight :venom-fire::blasted: of your life:
CBC Radio ran a story today that Scientific Research has concluded that people think best while they are peeing. :lol: :i_surrender: NO

Could not find it on-line when I got home... but I did find this:

“You seem to make better decisions when you have a full bladder,”
Full Bladder, Better Decisions? Controlling Your Bladder Decreases Impulsive Choices - Association for Psychological Science View attachment 14462
​

 

Lol

Here's a good one I saw in a magazine;

A WWII fighter pilot from Boston is reminiscing with young students about his war experience. "One day I was protecting the bombers, and suddenly, I looked up and realized that two Fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first Fokker and shot him down. By then, the other Fokker was right on my tail."
The kids began to giggle, so the teacher says, "I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of an aircraft used by the Germans."
"True," Says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmitts."

 

LOL

 

The joke was muffed a bit, the punch line included the information that the Fokkers fighters were planes flown by Germans in WW1, not WW2.

 

Still funny every time I read it.