Some jokes and some funny pics...

In the daily mail? How ironic!

 

I guess the donkey did the night shift,...
and morning duty to the soldier,..

 

Paris Hilton's Box Office Triumph! | Dlisted

February 11th 2008

Paris Hilton's "Hottie & The Nottie" made $26,000 on 111 screens this weekend. That's about $225 per theater or 30 people per venue.

------------

Now beat that!

 

Is this Gruppenfuhrer Bean's Trabby cabby?

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/14/books/14dumb.html?em&ex=1203397200&en=38525b1af4915364&ei=5087

Ms. Jacoby, the author of seven other books, she was a fellow at the library when she first got the idea for this book back in 2001, on 9/11.

Walking home to her Upper East Side apartment, she said, overwhelmed and confused, she stopped at a bar. As she sipped her bloody mary, she quietly listened to two men, neatly dressed in suits. For a second she thought they were going to compare that day’s horrifying attack to the Japanese bombing in 1941 that blew America into World War II:

“This is just like Pearl Harbor,” one of the men said.

The other asked, “What is Pearl Harbor?”

“That was when the Vietnamese dropped bombs in a harbor, and it started the Vietnam War,” the first man replied.

At that moment, Ms. Jacoby said, “I decided to write this book.”

 

Interesting....or maybe not...

The Raw Story | Kremlin's guard service orders 3,200 mice

 

Colonoscopies

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominantly male) while he was performing their colonoscopies.

1 "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2 "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3 "Can you hear me now?"

4 "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

5 "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

6 "Any sign of the trapped miners chief?"

7 "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...."

8 "Hey! Now I know how a muppet feels!"

9 "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

10 "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11 "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12 "God, now I know why I'm not gay."

last...

13 "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

 

Interesting facts on Hitler and Himmler(?)

Mark Almond – Lecturer in Modern History, Oriel College, Oxford Jan 1998


Hitler’s first dictatorial act, after the passing of the Enabling Act (1933) was to regulate the cooking of lobsters (he was distressed by their screams when tossed into boiling water). Only then did he abolish free trade unions.

Heinrich Himmler, regarded shooting birds or animals as “pure murder” and waxed lyrical about the ancient Germanic peoples had “respect for animals”.

In his article ‘Animal Rights’ for the SS house magazine in 1934 , Himmler recorded his admiration for medieval Germans who put rats on trial for their depredations and gave them a chance to change their ways!

Backed by Himmler, Hitler would have gone much further down the animal rights agenda but important Nazis such as Goering, who gloried in the title ‘Reich Master of the Hunt’ were not prepared to sacrifice shooting and fishing.

Towards the end of the war in March 1944 he found time to insist on the necessity of banning smoking in trams, fearing the effect of passive smoking on their conductors’ health. Naturally he had already banned smoking in Nazi party offices years earlier. But even Hitler had to recognise that banning smoking in the Wehrmacht might be bad for morale and decided to leave that measure until after his final victory.

 

YouTube - Girl Fart: How To Sell Beer

 

SkunkW, I used line no. 12

FramerT, only you

 

Kai, you might add Hitler's vegitarianism and his desire to push Germany into a Vegan lifestyle, passing anti-vivisection and animal research laws, turning unions into political organs of the Nazi party, enacting heavy progressive taxes on individuals and businesses, promotion of abortion (eugenics mostly.... eliminating "undesirables" and those phyiscally or mentally "deficient,), promotion of racial preferences (eg., what today is refered to in the US as "Affirmative Action."), and a whole host of other things that the typical Leftist / Progressive in the West would recognize and smilingly approve as well.

 

One person who does read the articles

 

good one mikebatzel

 

Sept. 26, 1983: The Man Who Saved the World by Doing ... Nothing

1983: A Soviet ballistics officer draws the right conclusion -- that a satellite report indicating incoming U.S. nuclear missiles is, in fact, a false alarm -- thereby averting a potential nuclear holocaust.

Lt. Col. Stanislav Petrov was duty officer at Serpukhov-15, the secret bunker outside Moscow that monitored the Soviet Union's early-warning satellite system, when the alarm bells went off shortly after midnight. One of the satellites signaled Moscow that the United States had launched five ballistic missiles at Russia.

But Petrov smelled a rat. "I had a funny feeling in my gut" that this was a false alarm. For one thing, the report indicated that only five missiles had been fired. Had the United States been launching an actual nuclear attack, he reasoned, ICBMs would be raining down on them.

"I didn't want to make a mistake. I made a decision, and that was it." Petrov's gut feeling was due in large part to his lack of faith in the Soviet early-warning system, which he subsequently described as "raw." He reported it as a false alarm to his superiors, and hoped to hell he was right.

Petrov was initially praised for his cool head but later came under criticism and was, for a while, made the scapegoat for the false alarm. Further investigation, however, found that the satellite in question had picked up the sun's reflection off the cloud tops and somehow interpreted that as a missile launch.

 

thank you Petrov! He probably saved the world

 

A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you!?

 

LiveLeak.com - Why You Should'nt Drink And Drive.

A Russian tank crashed through a villager's house after the crew stopped to buy more vodka at a nearby shop.

Oops....

 

That's not a tank! That's a SPAA gun! :lol:

(picky, picky!)

 

MOSCOW - A joke circulating among Russians these days has Vladimir Putin and Dmitry Medvedev waking up in the Kremlin in 2023 with vicious hangovers.

Putin says to Medvedev: "Which of us is president and which of us is prime minister today?"

"I don't remember," Medvedev replies. "I could be prime minister today."

"Then go fetch some beer," Putin says.

CANOE -- CNEWS - World: Medvedev is already the brunt of jokes amid speculation about power sharing

 

Why is Armstrong so famous?

Have you ever seen anybody in the world who walked on the moon, plays trompet like a god and won the Tour de France six times?