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Some jokes and some funny pics...

Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by Kai-Petri, Dec 4, 2002.

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texson66 Ace

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A look at the plight of the Big 3 American automakers...

__________________________________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
“The first lesson is that you can't lose a war if you have command of the air, and you can't win a war if you haven't.” - General Jimmy Doolittle

texson66, Nov 25, 2008

#1181
Kai-Petri Kenraali

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YES, SHIT HAPPENS !!

Capitalism: Make hay while the shit happens. The more shit, the more profit.

Communism: Equal shit happens to all people. We must work for our collective shit.

Socialism: If shit happens, let's distribute it equally. My shit is your shit.

Nazism: Aryan shit happens in the most masterly way.

Patriotism: Better shit happens to us than to anyone else.

Conservatism: Shit doesn't happen in the good old ways it used to.

Liberalism: Let shit alone, let shit happen.

Commercialism: Let's package and distribute all this shit that happens.

And more:

shit happens the intelligentsia confirm SHIT-HAPPENS list

Kai-Petri, Nov 25, 2008

#1182
mikebatzel Dreadnaught

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What? She told me she loves me!

Please give the Combined Fleet the chance to bloom as flowers of death. This is the navy’s earnest request. RADM Tasuku Nakazawa prior to the Battle of Leyte Gulf
It is the function of the Navy to carry the war to the enemy so that it will not be fought on U.S. soil. Admiral Chester W. Nimitz

mikebatzel, Nov 25, 2008

#1183
Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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A scene from Obama's first term

Obama: The United States demands that you cease all efforts to manufacture nuclear weaponry.*
Ahmadinejad: No way, Yankee dog. Death to America!
[Pause]
O: Huh. Okay, I get it.
A: ...what?
O: No, no, I get it.
A: Get what? All I said was "Death to America."
O: Don't worry about it, man. That's just the way it is, I get it.
A: The way what is? Seriously, I don't understand.
O: Right.
A: Is it because I hate America? I didn't think you people had a prob--
O: "You people!"
A: No, wait.
O: "You people." That's just great.
A: No, all I mean is, is, you know... When your wife said that thing about... Just hold on a second, this is going way too fast.
O: Hey, if you guys want to keep trying to build nukes, I think we all understand what you're really saying.
A: I'm really saying I want all unbelievers to burn! Why are you trying to read something bad into it?
O: It's okay, you can say it. I don't look like the presidents on the dollar bills.
A: What are you talking about? Have I gone insane or something?
[AND SCENE]

Quousque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra...

Za Rodinu, Nov 25, 2008

#1184
Kai-Petri Kenraali

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Well, of course....

Pictured: The 'sassy' high heels... for six-month-old babies | Mail Online

Kai-Petri, Nov 28, 2008

#1185
brndirt1 Saddle Tramp

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Kai-Petri said:

Well, of course....

Pictured: The 'sassy' high heels... for six-month-old babies | Mail Online
Click to expand...

well, batten down the hatches. Pre-teen "beauty shows" are bad enough, what is next? Foot binding?

Happy Trails,
Clint.

brndirt1, Nov 28, 2008

#1186
Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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I'm not Greek, I'm not Greek!

French say they need biggest condoms - Yahoo! News UK

The French say they need the largest condoms in Europe while Greeks get by on smaller ones, according to a Europe-wide study by a German consultancy that provides advice on condoms.

The study by the Singen-based Institute of Condom Consultancy was done by asking 10,500 men in 25 countries to measure their penis and enter the number into a database.

The results show Frenchmen on average claim to need 15.48-cm (6.09-inch) long condoms, about 3 cm longer than Greeks, whose condom-size requirement was the most modest.

Jan Vinzenz Krause, the institute's director, told Reuters Friday the data was collected over a period of eight months.

He did not want to comment on how honest he thought the Frenchmen had been in reporting the data.

The survey was aimed at educating youngsters about the importance of effective contraception.

The institute also offers online condom-size advice and hosts "Pimp Your Condom" -- an annual fair organised in cooperation with the national Aids Trust -- with the aim of educating teens about sexually transmitted diseases.

Krause was in the spotlight in the past when he produced a prototype of the "spray-on condom" -- an aerosol can which contains latex that creates a perfectly fitting condom. But the idea was not developed further.
Click to expand...

Quousque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra...

Za Rodinu, Nov 28, 2008

#1187

Skipper likes this.
Skipper Kommodore

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Gentlemen remember: it is not the size of the pencil that matters but the quality of the signature

Skipper, Nov 28, 2008

#1188
Stefan Cavalry Rupert

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But if you're using a normal pencil and writing on the floor of an aircraft hanger you can sometimes feel a bit silly...

..So I'm told...

There's no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.
[sigpic][/sigpic]

Stefan, Nov 28, 2008

#1189

bigfun likes this.
bigfun Ace

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hahahahaha!!

you're killing me Stefan!!

Scott

bigfun, Nov 28, 2008

#1190
Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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Do you mean something on this line?

Quousque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra...

Za Rodinu, Nov 28, 2008

#1191
Stefan Cavalry Rupert

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Nah, looks like they've about got it covered!

David Niven, excellent:
YouTube - David Niven and the joke about a prawn.

And again:
YouTube - Favorite OscarÂ® moment - The Streaker

Brilliant!

There's no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.
[sigpic][/sigpic]

Stefan, Nov 29, 2008

#1192

Za Rodinu likes this.
Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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The only place for this has to be in the jokes thread...

-----------

Ugandan men warned of 'booby trap' - Yahoo! News UK

Uganda's police warned male bar-goers to keep their noses clean after a probe found a gang of robbers had been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious.

"They apply this chemical to their chest. We have found victims in an unconscious state," Criminal Investigations Directorate (CID) spokesman Fred Enanga told AFP.

"You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him," he said. "And the victim doesn't remember anything. He just remembers being in the act of romancing."

Enanga, who explained that several types of heavy sedatives had been used, said he first came across the practice last year when an apprehended thief named Juliana Mukasa made a clean breast of the matter.

"She is a very dangerous lady," the official said.

While early investigations suggest that the gang may consist of dozens of members, the source of the sedatives remains unknown.

"We don't know exactly how they get these materials," Enanga added. "That is something that our investigations must crack."

He called on men, particularly travelling businessmen who tend to carry a lot of cash, to take caution.

"It's a serious situation and people have to be aware."
Click to expand...

Quousque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra...

Za Rodinu, Nov 29, 2008

#1193
Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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From "Yes, Prime Minister":

Hacker: Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers: The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country; The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by people who actually do run the country; the Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; the Financial Times is read by people who own the country; The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; and The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.

Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?

Bernard: Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits.
Click to expand...

Quousque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra...

Za Rodinu, Nov 30, 2008

#1194
Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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Not work safe but damn funny

http://bblmedia.com/kill_me.jpg

Quousque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra...

Za Rodinu, Dec 1, 2008

#1195
Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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Quousque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra...

Za Rodinu, Dec 2, 2008

#1196
cross of iron Member

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Za Rodinu said:

Click to expand...

I thought the Germans were the orcs. LOL at Portugal.

The first virtue in a soldier is endurance of fatigue; courage is only the second virtue. - Napoleon Donaparte

cross of iron, Dec 2, 2008

#1197
Kai-Petri Kenraali

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If it was sea of rhum instead of rhun I´d know where many people would be heading according to this map....at least from the Finland area...

Kai-Petri, Dec 3, 2008

#1198
Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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The lands across the sea must be Cuba and Venezuela

Quousque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra...

Za Rodinu, Dec 3, 2008

#1199
Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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A sign on the lawn at a drug rehabilitation centre said: "Keep off the grass".

Quousque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra...

Za Rodinu, Dec 3, 2008

#1200

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