Some jokes and some funny pics...

There was an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Newfoundlander sitting in a bar having a few drinks together. The Englishman says to the Frenchman, "So tell me, what do you do to drive your wife wild?" "Well," says the Frenchman, "After making love, I go out to the garden and pick some roses. Then I take the petals off and put them all over her body. Then I gently blow them off with a soft, even breath, and that drives her wild." Then the Frenchman says, "And what do you do to drive your wife wild?" To which the Englishman replies, "After making love, I get some baby oil and massage it gently all over her body, and that drives her wild!" Then the pair turn to the Newfoundlander and ask him what he does. "Naawww you don't want to know what I do" he says. So they buy him a few more drinks and he loosens up a bit more, and again, they ask him what he does. "Well..," he says, "When me and the old lady are through, I jump out of bed and wipe my dick off on the curtain. And that REALLY drives her wild."

Oops...

 

Hahaha!!!

Sure it was an Englishman? That's awfully romantic.

 

And:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday,
a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now
uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are
either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
" Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the
other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your
husband's."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs Ward.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive
tests
one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off
somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't
sleep with him."

 

I'm come dressed as a SS bodyguard.

An Allied soldier comes with his M1 Garand.


I shout: SHUTZSTAFFEL

Asses down the allied soldier with my Kar98k.

 

Dude, wtf? Are we back to Colon Wars again?

 

In 1945 the shouting ends fast....in Dachau the SS against the wall.

 

This thread has it's weird moments... Anyway, after WW2 Germany as we all know was occupied. Hans in the Soviet zone goes into the police station to complain:

- Comrade Politzist, two Swiss soldiers robbed me of my Soviet watch.

- Comrade, you must be mixing things up, surely you meant two Soviet soldiers robbed you of your Swiss watch.

- Comrade Politzist, could be so but please make it a record that those were your words, not mine!

 

Hahaha, that one's brilliant!

 

I thought that with true Englishmen, once married they only engaged in oral sex with their wife. This would occur when they retired for the night, each going to their seperate bedroom from where they would shout F$&K YOU! at each other before going to sleep......

 

Eeek! Isn't this a family forum?



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It's hard being a neonazi. http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=581333cf1f&c=1

[Post edited to add film link in order to avoid adding a second post and therefore incurring in Mr. Fire-In-The-Belly-Moderator's wrath. So there!]

 

haha, that is quite funny, i must say thay arent having it so easy

 

Dude, wtf? Are we back to Colon Wars again? </font>[/QUOTE]Another WWII joke. I'm dressed as a body guard which means I'm a SS in a black uniform of SS leibstandarte division.

 

I must be stupid, I still can't see any joke.

******

"Hitler, Goering and Goebbels are out on a boat on the sea. There's a storm and the boat sinks. Who is saved?

Germany!"

******

This one should be known already:

"Hitler and his chauffeur are driving across the countryside when bang! there's some kind of impact. So the chauffeur stops the car and takes a look and it turns out they've actually run over a pig.

"So Hitler says, look, we've got to confess to the farmer that we've run over his pig. The chauffeur walks off and he's away for ten minutes. Then 15 minutes go by, then thirty minutes. Eventually he comes back after an hour, totally drunk, and he's got a basket with sausages and champagne. This is the middle of the war, it's even difficult to buy butter, and he's got all these things and he's completely drunk.

"And Hitler says, my God, what on earth did you tell the farmer? And the chauffeur says, I just said 'heil Hitler, the pig is dead', and then they gave me all these presents."

 

To P5:

I might suggest you try this link. Of course, not being humor impared myself it did not work well for me.

Humor impared

 

Is this a threat or did it trick others too?

 

Look if you had one shot, or opertunity
To seize everything you got, one moment
To Capture!!!!!!!


Yo the 1st Infan div lands on the beach
Bullets striking down from the montain!
The allies shout for help and crakin' dodge at the beach rocks!

One of the soldier comes out from the boat and takes out his Springfield!

Shoots 10 SS and wehrmachts and they fall down!


Meanwhile, a 101st Airborne plane in another location get shot by an anty aircraft gun.

The Sgt shouts at the troops to jump down immediately.

Position german machine gunners shoot down some of the parachute landing soldiers!

7,000 lands succesfully.

4500 get's captured.

The Germans stares at their prisoners.

Meanwhile a soldier(me) with a sign of the US 1st Army on the right of uniform grabs his rifle and sticks it on an Waffen SS head.

I pull the trigger. Bloah! He's dead.

I frag the German stormers with my hand grenades.

VICTORY! As more soldiers of the US 1st Army comes sorrounding, killing, capturing thousands of Wehrmacht and Waffen SS soldiers.

 

Dude, if you would be more clear on where exactly the joke is, it would be easier for us to understand.

Or is this a short story you write or something?

 

Which one is the punch line?

******

Anyway, back to serious business:

Ahmadinejad called President Bush and said, "George, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" GWB asked.

Ahmadinejad replied, "LONG LIVE AHMADINEJAD."

Bush responded, "You know, Ahmadi, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner."

"What did the banners say?" Ahmadinejad asked.

"I don't know," replied Bush, "I can't read Hebrew."

 

That is a classic Za!

 

yes a very good joke, and most definatly a classic