Some jokes and some funny pics...

well, at least you gave it a shot!!

 

Hey, Totty, whose arse are you trying to lick with that avatar?

 

hehehe I could do better! But I couldnt use my other one because the file was to large!

 

Hey I just realised that the guy two spots over from the alleged gay looks exactly like Jude Law.

 

Oopppsss!

Study: Wales grand slam boosts papal death - Fiji rugby union results, fixtures and news for Fifteens and Sevens

PARIS - Pope Benedict XVI faces a 45-per cent risk of dying by December 31, on the basis of a statistical link with a rugby Grand Slam this year, according to a "study" appearing in the British Medical Journal (BMJ).

Tongue firmly in cheek, the paper looks into an urban legend in Wales, which says that whenever the Welsh side beats every other team in the northern hemisphere's national championship, a pontiff dies that year.

The only exception, according to this myth, was in 1978, when Wales were really good... and two popes died, not just one.

 

Caption time....

 

Drawing a bead on Za!

 

BBC NEWS | Americas | The 'misunderestimated' president?

My definite favourite:

"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times."

Tokyo, 18 February, 2002

 

Yeah, two more weeks of that idiot.

 

They are very lame, but so very true.

 

Ha, a Brit made them.

 

Where did all these bloody uppity colonials come from?

 

They are your creation, sorry. Should have taken more care with that poor wasted tea in Boston.

 

Just what will they think of next....

Natalie Dylan virginty auction tops $2.5 million | Celebrity Gossip from Celebridiot

 

I'm still shocked that they threw it overboard, sickening behaviour!

 

WINTER BLONDE

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.


The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are
losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"


Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.






He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...


"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in Chicago and I'm driving the
SALT TRUCK!"

 

T
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a speciality of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"

 

A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could about the internal combustion engine.

When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill, if not speed.

When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler..."

 

On a ww2 theme...

YouTube - Goodness Gracious Me - World War 2
Clint, UR Evil !

More at YouTube - goodness gracious me