British Army 'Actions On' when encountering a Snake.

Line Infantry: Tracks snake through undergrowth with blowpipe (which doesn't work). Snake smells them and leaves the area.
Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake. Tabs (marches) to the objective.
People's Cavalry (Royal Tanks): Runs over the snake, laughs and looks for more snakes.
Proper Cavalry: Treats snake with haughty disdain as it has no impact on primary objective - to hold London at all costs.
Royal Marines Commando: Plays with snake, gets naked together and then eats it.
Guardsman: Immediately leaves London Zoo.
Gurkha: Eats snake.
Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares tactical doctrine for the fixing of the snake using counter-mobility assets and the defeat of the snake using mobility assets. No one listens. Snake falls in the hole.
Artillery: Hits the area with a massive time-on-target barrage. Even though the snake is not hit the mission is deemed a success and the gun line are awarded medals for valour.
REME: Files suggestion for improved mobility system for reptile family which allows snakes to move 3mph faster and requires 43 strong REME unit in support.
Special Forces: Makes contact with the snake, ignores all Foreign Office directives and Theatre Commander ROE by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous expenses claim on return.
Royal Navy: Fires missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to MOD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost effective means of anti-snake operations.
Submariner: Loiters for 6 months in maritime choke point waiting for snake to swim past - leaves the area to restock dragging 30% of the local fishing fleet with it.
TA: Kills snake by accident while out for the weekend.
RAF: Gets GPS co-ordinates for snake. Can't find snake. Runs out of flying hours. Returns to base for refuelling, crew rest and manicure.
AAC Gunship: Has sufficient firepower, manoeuvrability and range to destroy millions of snakes but couldn't see through the canopy.
Int Corps: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of the 35 indicators of snake presence are currently active. Assess the potential for snake activity as Low.
General Support (Construction) Engineers: Build pub. Gut and stuff the snake. Mount over bar. Name pub "Snake Pit".

 

FANTASTIC!!!

But you missed out the OTC: Poke snake with stick, push girls towards it to make them scream, get drunk, sing rude songs and pass out on top of snake, killing it.

 

Great addition Stefan! LOL

 

poor snake. its just not fair.

 

EDIT - Thought you'd missed the TA, but then noticed you hadn't!

Might offer this one:

Army Cadet Force - kills the snake, but only after obtaining parental consent on 13 different forms.