Who can make the worst joke?

stuff, tied in with an old joke.

One day, an American was touring Spain. After his day's sightseeing, he stopped at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The American, though momentarily daunted when he learned the origin of the dish said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry, senor. There is only one serving a day since there is only one bull fight each morning this time of year. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to serve you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the American returned early, placed his order and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter promptly replied, "Si, senor! Sometimes the bull wins!"

(me again) Now we here in Montana would not bother with that excuse, we eat Rocky Mountain Oysters with relish and quite frequently. And while they are called an "oyster", that is only the appearance which brings that description about. The flavor and texture is much more like abalone than oyster.

Anyone who makes a reference to "it tastes like chicken" is full of something, and has never eaten either the testicles nor abalone.

There is even a yearly raucous meeting for just this at a little "wide spot" in the road named Clinton MT. (no relation) a few miles east of Missoula, here is a "deleted" or rather "cleaned up" site concerning this Testicle Festival:

The Montana Testicle Festival | Slog | The Stranger | Seattle's Only Newspaper

And here is the official site, this was my friend Rod’s idea 25 years ago (he owns and runs the Rock Creek Lodge) and he has kept it going and it just got bigger and bigger over the years:

Rock*Creek Lodge------------Home of the*Testicle Festival

A bunch of motorcycle clubs now include this event in August when planning their trip to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota in August. These include the Hell's Angels, but they and the other clubs are well behaved while there and there have never been any instances of "club related" violence. By the way, I’m not in any of the photos this year or last since I couldn’t get there due to the cancer and crud.

 

Q: Why did the toilet paper run down the stairs?


A: To get to the bottom!

 

The worst joke is...What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh! Can I have my prize now!

Martyn.

 

Slipdigit.
I have a strong constitution. But this joke always makes me retch!!!

 

... I said it was bad!!

 

This guy walks into a doctors office and his head is big and orange. The doctor says "Good god man, you've got a big orange head! How did this happen?" Guy starts to tell his story.

Well doctor, the other day I was walking along the beach when I notice a piece of metal sticking out of the sand. I picked it up and it was a lamp. I brushed off the sand and *poof* out pops a genie who says he will grant me three wishes. I say genie for my first wish I want a bank account with 10 billion dollars. Genie says *poof* and hands the me a card with a account number and routing number to a bank account with 10 billion dollars. So then I said genie for my second wish I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world and I want her to be madly in love with me. All of a sudden *poof* I'm standing next to the most beautiful woman in the world, and in her hand she has a marriage certificate.

At this point in the story the guy turns to the doctor and says "Doctor, I think this is the point where I went wrong. I turned to the genie and said 'Genie for my third wish I want a big orange head!'"

 

You deserve a beating for that one Stefan.

 

Help yourself mucker, but I warn you, that wasn't nearly the worst I know, others need to be told in person.

Try this one (I can make it last a full 5 minutes if pushed):

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors. On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor.

His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends. The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull.

He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told there was no liability and He could get lost!

You can imagine he was very annoyed with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever.

All the posters came down, the toys were given away - tractors were GONE.

Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own. Tears were streaming down her face.

Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears.

With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again. He goes back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl.

"That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?"

"No problem", said Joe

"I'm an ex-tractor fan"