My parents

Hello all,

It is my first post

I want your thoughts on this:
Do you feel that because your parents may have supported you when you were younger, that you "owe" it to them to support them now?


(Pay the bills they run up etc, just because they did it for you when you were younger and unable to work)


Thanks.

 

Look, I think they owe US a lot more than we owe them. First, they do have us because they want to play with us, or beacause they wanna treat us like pets. It is up to us to make them love us and later treat us like friends. Then, they make us for THEIR pleasure, not because they want a new human being in the house! I love my parents and they love me, but I think this is the generas idea.

 

My stepmother is Greek as well Zeratul and she also believes what you do... I have argued with her countless times, because i disagree... It is obvious that different cultures and different generations think differently about this question

 

I am very sorry about your mother :cry: , but -no offense-, Greek moms rule!

 

Hey Morutea, welcome to the forum - this definitely is an interesting first post!

When your parents create you, they effectively choose for you to exist. If they don't want to pay the bills for your early existence, they shouldn't have made you. Thus I feel no obligation to pay my parents' bills in later life. The only thing you might want to do (note, there are no have-tos when you're not even allowed to choose whether or not you wanted to exist in the first place) is make it emotionally worthwile for your parents by being nice and loveable to them.

 

We must not forget though, that orphanages are full of kids beloved by their parents who are not able to pay for raising them. The governments, should not ban under poverty parents' children instead of supporting these families!

 

I said yes. They're part of your family. If you have a good relationship with your parents, you should try to help them out if they need it.

BTW, both of my parents live with me in my house. My father is disabled and mother has a bad heart but she takes care of my dad. They could not make ends meet so I let them live here. They would have done the same for me.

 

JCalhoun, the question is not whether you should take care of your unhealthy parents, but whether you should be obliged to help them when they don't need it so much!

 

Then the reason for taking care of your parents is that you care for them, not that you have to on the grounds that they took care of you when you were a kid.

Zeratul: I don't understand why people who can't afford to take care of children ever decide to have children. How's your child supposed to take care of you later in life if you can't get him through his helpless early years? But it seems poor people the world over do not follow this reasoning, as increased poverty always generates increased birth rates.

 

aziz

What makes you think that all children are 'planned' by the parents?
One more thought, you won't realise just how much your parents did for you until they are gone.
Yet one more thought, it often works out the other way , you, the parent, end up paying 'adult-children's' bills!!!!

 

Roel: Haven't you ever thought of parents who have lost their jobs and no more are able to fund their familiy? When they had a good salary they decided to have children but then...

 

Re: aziz

I know, that's only true in a perfect world. But most people are aware of the consequences of unprotected sex, are they not? If we can assume this, then we may blame those who have sex without being able to bear those consequences.

That depends on the child and the parents. Also, this isn't about how much your parents do for you, it's about whether you owe them anything in return. Since they are still responsible for your existence, I say no matter how much they do for you, you don't financially owe them anything. In fact I'd find it very rude to try to pay them back for everything they've done with money.

At some point this is of course the child's fault for being too dependent. There has to be a time when all ties can be severed without either side losing out on the deal.

 

parents

I hope you remember your words in about fifty years time Roel, if you last that long, you've got some surprises coming.

 

Don't patronize me, Merlin, you know I have respect for your greater experience in life so if you just tell me what is wrong with my views I'll certainly listen.

 

I dont think its intended to be patronising in any way.

I know that at age 19 I did not feel any respect or responsibility for my parents, in fact I could not wait to get away and become independent of them. As the years have gone on, and especially once I became a father myself, I have come to understand and appreciate what they have done for me. As I have seen them become older, I have come to realise that I could not simply abandon them to the "system" and that I would prefer to help and support them, financially, emotionally and physically, to the best of my ability. I believe this is a moral obligation and I hope and trust my children will feel the same about me.

Tom

 

A suggestion for you Roel, look at your last post on this thread, print it out, put the copy away in a safe place, then look at it again in twenty years time and see if you feel the same.

 

I'm sorry for misinterpreting it then, Merlin. I've gotten really annoyed with this particular mannerism of people who think they know more about you and your future than you do yourself; they will smugly leave you in your percieved ignorance by saying "You'll see what I mean in a few years". Not only do I find it insulting to suggest that I would not understand them now if they bothered to explain, I've also found that they are invariably wrong. Of course it would be even more frustrating if they were right...

I still have about eight months before I turn 19, shall we see if I think like you say you did?

 

where i live ,i would say i see many parents in their 60s and 70s still supporting grown children more often than the inverse ...it is not uncommon for grandparents to take in and support their grandchildren because of feckless or lazy children ...in modern america parents often raise their own children and then get to do it all over again with their childrens children...

 

I don't think that there is anything bad in supporting your children, or your grandchildren. If you like to do it, no one has the right to say a word. If you do it in order to help your (such close) relatives consort their lives, well can you tell me where is the evil part in this? Wouldn't you help your children if they had the need? Aren't they your children anymore if they grow up? Or would you ever lie over their supporting you back?

 

i would feel obligated to take in and feed any close family member in dire need.... i would however expect them if ablebodied to make a contribution in work hours if they had no income ...ie housecleaning ,babysitting ,cutting firewood ,ect...