Okay I had heard this joke a while back and just remembered it. Hope you enjoy it. A B-52 and an F-16 escort were on a training exercise together and the F-16 pilot was being a real show off. He was doing passes around the bomber and going over and around it. Being a real arrogant SOB. So he flicks on the com and says to the B-52 pilot, "Hey I bet anything you can do in that big ol' thing I could do better!" The B-52 pilot thought for a moment and then replied. "Okay, see if you can do this." So the F-16 pilot watched the B-52 and waited to see what the pilot of it had in store for him. So he's waiting for a while now and sees no change in the bomber. He decides to check in, "Hey are you gonna do something or what?" he asked. To which the B-52 pilot replies, "We turned two of our engines off. Beat that."
There is a similar joke set in Gulf War 1 when an F16 is low on fuel and reqests permission to land, the ATC replies 'I'm sorry, you'll have to wait, we have a damaged B52 coming into land with an engine out." The F16 pilot replies 'ahh, the dreaded 7 engine landing."
Another one, very good one haha GI Insurance Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.” “Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?” Air National Guard in C-47 While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I accidentally opened a parachute in the rear of the C-47. The plane was piloted by a major and a captain, and I felt intimidated as I opened the cockpit door to confess what I had done. Expecting to be severely chastised, I was surprised by the captain's calm response. "Well, son," he said, "if this plane goes down, that chute is yours."
Great ones!! here´s a couple more: Life in Thule A military transport carrying important supplies across "the pond" lands at Thule Air Station in Greenland for refueling. The flight engineer, while doing his walk-around check, notices that the station's crew chief, an A1C, is smoking a cigarette on the flight line while the "honey truck" empties the plane's commode. "Airman! what the hell do you think you're doing? You're going to be in so much trouble when I'm through with you!" Hearing this, the crew chief fell to the ground laughing "What's so funny?" demanded the FE. The airman replied, "I live on a glacier where it's winter 12 months out of the year, I make less than minimum wage, and I'm unloading shit from an airplane. What do you think you can do to me?" ----------- The Hotel Al-Kharj Prince Sultan Air Base is the main U.S. air base in Saudi Arabia, located near Al-Kharj (alias "Al's Garage", probably arabic for "middle of nowhere"). This is sung to the tune of the Eagles' "Hotel California". On a dark desert flightline, hot dust in my hair Warm smell of the sewage rising up through the air Out ahead in the distance, I saw a camel in sight My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, I had a long, long flight There he stood in the doorway, with a towel on his head I was thinking to myself: this could be heaven, but it would be hell Then he lit up a hooka, and started puffing away I heard voices down the corridor, thought I heard them say: Welcome to the Hotel Al-Kharj What a bad surprise, for your appetite Our hosts wear long white dresses, they got the Mercedes Benz They got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, and they hold hands How they chop in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat some chopped just a little, some chopped to minced meat And still those voices are calling from loud speakers Wake you up in the middle of the night, just to hear them pray: Welcome to the Hotel Al-Kharj Any time of year, you're TDY here There are no curtains in the showers No potable water on ice We are all just prisoners here, of Exxon's delight So I called up my Captain, please bring me some wine. He said "They won't allow that spirit here until the end of all time" And in the Mirage chow hall, we gathered for the feast We stab it with our plastic knives but we just can't cut the beef Last thing I remember, I was running for my plane I had to find the freedom bird to take me home again Relax, said the First Shirt, we have orders to receive, You can out-process any time you like, but you can never leave Air Force Jokes, pg. 2
