Can SOMEONE here please tell me, what Cats are good for?

as you cat people have been posting your stories about cats, I simply must pass on this "joke" which I discovered a number of years ago. The link will take you to other pet stories, but I will only post the one!

How To Give Your Cat A Pill


1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.
2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)
5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.
6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry.
8. Now, pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops!
9.This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.
10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.
11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)
14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man....or woman.
15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done.
17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).
18. Take two aspirins and lie down.

From:
The Humor Bin - How To Give Your Cat A Pill

 

Hello Carl. Personally, I am a cat person. They are smaller and quieter, and thus easier to hide when living in a place where your not supposed to have a pet. My last cat, I don't have her any more, was the best thing since sliced bread. It is all about the training. You can train a cat, but you can not go about doing it in the same way as you would a dog. First I went about trying to eliminate the need for a litter box. I simply placed it in a second bathroom that isn't used as often, or at all. After my cat (from this point forward referred to as her name, Bagheera, since she was pure black and reminded me of The Jungle Book) got used to which room the litter box was in, I built a little adaptation to fit it into the toilet (sounds alot like what they tell you in the film Meet the Parents). After a while remove the box and your cat is toilet trained, and you don't have to deal with the smell of litter. The best thing I trained Bagheera to do was to play fetch. Yep, throw a little fuzzy ball around and she would bring it right back. Oh how I miss playing with her. She was the best little American Shorthair I ever had. She knew where she could and couldn't go to take a nap (couch=OK Coffee table=NO) and if I ever laid down for bed, she was right there. Never touching me, just laying off to one side at my feet, but always giving me my room. My absolute favorite thing Bagheera ever did was to find the tallest place she could sit upright at and let out a long, but low audible, meoooooooowwwww that just sounded like she was trying to roar like a lion.

Never yell at your cat for bringing you dead animals. If you where to stop taking care of them, they would eat these same animals they bring you. What they are doing is showing you appreciation. You feed them every day, so when they have the opportunity to catch some food for you, they will. They want to feed you in return for you taking care of them. It just shows you that they love you back.

 

Nice story Michelle. I too am also a fan of Dogs but have not had one to care for since about 1987? That Dog was one of my favorite of all Dogs we had. He was being fed poison by a neighbor who was mad with the world (later committed suicide) and slowly poisoned my Dog and other neighborhood dogs--for no apparent reason.

That Dog and I used to go walking for hours on end and we went everywhere and I used to take him with me whe I went to the local Cine 1-2 theaters-and he was perfectly safe being chained up to the guard rail in front of it and I could go watch a movie without worrying about him. Anyone could approach that Dog as he was very friendly but, if someone tried to cause trouble with him-he knew how to defend himself. Luckily I was friends with the theater manager and I could bring him in with me and nobody complained. I only left him outside a few times and when it was nighttime. The other visits he always came inside with me and enjoyed eating popcorn and hotdogs.

I do miss that Dog-as well as his part English Shepard mother-who was also another geat dog and who also was killed by a vengeful piece of trash by the name of calvin schonefeld.

 

fur coats....apparentley,cheers.

 

Hi Jeff, that is so true. A Cat we had fixed about 20 years ago still managed to spray-only that time-we had lived in a ouse with think carpet covering all floor surfaces except for th embarassing lineolium kitchen floor. We had to rent a Steam leaner from Sherman Williams every so often.

 

No.LOL

 

Do you ever notice how they ALWAYS kep one eye partially open just constantly watching and probably plotting ag
ainst you> :-D All of mine do the same thing no matter how much they trust me ;-D As I type this Shasta is sleeping o the arm of the couch to my immediate left, and the young male adorer of hers is sleeping against my right leg-with an eye open just to be sure of things. The longhaired B&W male is ouside sleeping on a lawn chair.

 

Dogs! :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Do you know what gets me everytime with both Cats and Dogs? is that no matter how well trained you have them that everytime you point at something with your extended index finger-they all always stare at the tip of your finger and dogs usually do so with a grin on their faces. However, I believe it is one of their ways of making fun of their Humans who THINK they are really in charge of things-but Cats and Dogs know the real truth to the matter of things :-D

 

Hi Mike, never have more truer words been typed. Also, the young male with a total fascination with Shasta-he's guilty of bringing in dead mice, rats, squirrels, birds and lizzards--all trying to impress Shasta. Sometimes we dont see him sneak in one of his latest "kills" and only discover it days later thanks to the smell. This catjust loves to hide his fresh kills behind the couches and under our beds-causing me to now keep the bedroom doors closed as well as the bathroom doors. Unfortunately-the livingroom is wide open with no doors-so he simply keeps hiding all fresh kills in there.

 

I KNEW cats were good for something!

We have three, two big old Maine Coons and a stry that turned up a couple of years ago looking ofr a hand-out. Living as we do, out in a rural area, they keep the wildlife pests under control and minimize damage from birds and rodents. The Maine Coons are like dogs; they follow us around and constantly want attention. When we go into town, they sit on the front porch waiting for us o return, then go nuts trying to figure out what we brought back. Our two dogs try to compete with them, but don't do very well and seem resigned to their status as second-class family members. On the other hand, the dogs do frequently get to ride in the car or the pickup and love that, the cats couldn't care less.

 

They are a good source of protein for foxes and wild dogs.


John.

 

We don't have wild dogs here, just foxes, and they're usually too small to tackle a full grown Maine Coon. Once in awhile, coyotes will team up to take on a cat, but the last coyote we saw around here had been blinded trying that.

I'd say cats tend to remove more protein from the food chain than they provide especially those damn nuisances, birds and rodents.

 

Devil,

Over here, about 90% of our native animals are small, about 5" to 6" long, and nocturnal.

Our birds are also quite small and very vulnerable to a natural killer like a cat.

Many of the above have become extinct or seriously endangered, almost entirely by the actions of wild cats, wild dogs and foxes. All introduced apart from the native dog, the Dingo.

The greenies will tell you they are extinct because of the "environment", but it is not so.


John.

 

say "ozjohn39", how is it going with those imported "cane toads" these days?

 

Hey ozjohn39, if y'all were to import some Cajuns over there, and tell them Aussie cats were plentiful, and that the hunting season was only two weeks long, and that there was a two per day limit, and that they were good in gumbo, you'd have no problems with problem cats anymore....

 

Clint,

"say "ozjohn39", how is it going with those imported "cane toads" these days?"


Didn't we import them from Hawaii????

Our beloved cane-toads are doing very nicely thank you. They are breeding better than rabbits, and are spreading all over the nation, and even the colder climates will have a zillion of them SOON!!!!

Had a TV report about one of our native ants that LOVE baby cane toads, and we live in hope that they will solve the problem. That is until we get swarms of ants all over the place.

SIGH!


John.

 

A-58,

"Hey ozjohn39, if y'all were to import some Cajuns over there, and tell them Aussie cats were plentiful, and that the hunting season was only two weeks long, and that there was a two per day limit, and that they were good in gumbo, you'd have no problems with problem cats anymore...."

Sounds like a good idea, but what happens when we end up with no cats, but 40 zillion Cajuns looking for a feed?



John.
__________________

 

that's true,it would cause a chain reaction,plus not only cajuns but mice and rats!

this brings up another piont that cats are more useful than dogs,cats can kill,dogs can't.
cat's attack rodants and dog's attack humans,so cats are more useful than dogs or better yet the cat is man best friend.

 

Frogs are good in gumbo too you know....After that, tell them kangaroo is good too. When the frogs and the kangaroos are gone, well then you are on your own....