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joke of the day..

Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by sniper1946, Oct 2, 2009.

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  1. Biak

    Biak Boy from Illinois Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    Biak, Jan 7, 2014
    #1101
    Poppy likes this.
  2. Poppy

    Poppy grasshopper

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    Maybe the parrots wanted a white cracker.
     
    Poppy, Jan 8, 2014
    #1102
  3. Biak

    Biak Boy from Illinois Staff Member

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    A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away . The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000 .The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home .The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"
    The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead .
    I just can’t take that chance!"
     
    Biak, Jan 11, 2014
    #1103
  4. Fred Wilson

    Fred Wilson "The" Rogue of Rogues

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    Fred Wilson, Jan 14, 2014
    #1104
    belasar likes this.
  5. toki2

    toki2 Active Member

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    Thanks Fred. I laughed til I cried at some of the comments.
     
    toki2, Jan 15, 2014
    #1105
  6. belasar

    belasar Court Jester

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    Same Here! :)
     

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    belasar, Jan 23, 2014
    #1106
  7. LRusso216

    LRusso216 Graybeard Staff Member

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    Oh man, Fred. I read one page of comments, and was afraid to read more. Too much.. Those were really good. I don't think I'll be ordering Haribo's sugar-free Gummi Bears any time soon. At least they were honest in their warning.
     
    LRusso216, Jan 23, 2014
    #1107
  8. belasar

    belasar Court Jester

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    If Batman was a Redneck!
     

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    belasar, Jan 25, 2014
    #1108
  9. TD-Tommy776

    TD-Tommy776 Man of Constant Sorrow

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    TD-Tommy776, Jan 26, 2014
    #1109
  10. Fred Wilson

    Fred Wilson "The" Rogue of Rogues

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    The wife's back on the warpath again. :circlejerk:

    Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

    My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

    I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

    After suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday.
    - But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!

    I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
    I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered that McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

    The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
    I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

    My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!" As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
    "Oh," I replied, "So now you want me to stay???"

    I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex. :stickpoke:

    __________________________________

    Life's goal is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body.
    But rather to slide in sideways, totally worn out and broken, shouting "Holy Crap, WHAT A RIDE!!"
     
    Fred Wilson, Jan 26, 2014
    #1110
  11. Fred Wilson

    Fred Wilson "The" Rogue of Rogues

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    Great 22 Minute "Flue Season" (± Adult.) Cartoon. (Link Repaired.)

    Rick and Morty: "Rick Potion #9"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2QxZdfGrN8
     
    Fred Wilson, Jan 29, 2014
    #1111
  12. Poppy

    Poppy grasshopper

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    Everybody sing! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDlWXYe63mQ
     
    Poppy, Jan 30, 2014
    #1112
  13. green slime

    green slime Member

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    Its the Australian National Anthem!
     
    green slime, Jan 30, 2014
    #1113
  14. Tamino

    Tamino Doc - The Deplorable

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    Here is a snippet from David Irwing's lecture at the IHR:

    In the war governments create propaganda agenciesies.... These agencies continue to spew lies against the enemy... When the war ends, the problem is, there is no ministry of truth.
     
    Tamino, Jan 31, 2014
    #1114
  15. belasar

    belasar Court Jester

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    Why I watch Mexican weather cast's instead of Al Jazeera!
     

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    belasar, Feb 4, 2014
    #1115
  16. Tamino

    Tamino Doc - The Deplorable

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    Interestingly, I also prefer "La Clima" forecasts, especially these two considerable thunderstorm-centers at the left.
     
    Tamino, Feb 5, 2014
    #1116
  17. KodiakBeer

    KodiakBeer Member

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    Weather? Grumpy Wolf says...
     

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    KodiakBeer, Feb 5, 2014
    #1117
  18. Fred Wilson

    Fred Wilson "The" Rogue of Rogues

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    [​IMG]

    You ask for the reason for the last post? Yikers! Yep =

    [​IMG]
     
    Fred Wilson, Feb 6, 2014
    #1118
    Tamino likes this.
  19. Fred Wilson

    Fred Wilson "The" Rogue of Rogues

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    BOOM!

    [​IMG]

    - Just be aware before you go:
    Pretty much everybody there is Sihk or Hindu and they speak better English than you do.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1vs5YgzRlo
     
    Fred Wilson, Feb 8, 2014
    #1119
  20. Fred Wilson

    Fred Wilson "The" Rogue of Rogues

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    I try to stay away from this sort of stuff, but once in a while one comes along too good to pass up...
    ____________________

    Young Muslim boy goes to the mall with his burka wearing mom. Within a few minutes he gets separated from her and breaks down crying.

    A security guard comes along and says "Don't worry, son. We'll find your mom. What does she look like?"

    Then the kid starts crying twice as hard and says "I have no f***ing idea!"
     
    Fred Wilson, Feb 22, 2014
    #1120
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