Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by sniper1946, Oct 2, 2009.
I want this beer! Excellent laugh!
#1239 reminds me of the 90-year-old man who was charged with attempted rape.
He was convicted of assault with a dead weapon.
This is an IOU Thread folks! You laugh your ass off, you owe us one - each time. K?
===> Any more good Aviation Quotation Jokes out there? <===
Nikita Gazarov wrote: I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Jim Rooney wrote: In normal-ville, we are the exceptional ones.
Verne Jobst wrote: Flexible is much too rigid, in aviation you have to be fluid.
Unknown wrote: I know there's a lot of money in aviation because I put it there.
Unknown wrote: Pilots are just plane people with a special air about them.
Unknown wrote: If black boxes survive air crashes, why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Unknown wrote: The farther you fly over water, the louder the strange noises in your head become.
Unknown wrote: If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from your brain, things are not at all as they should be.
Unknown wrote: There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
Unknown wrote: A check ride ought to be like a skirt. Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche wrote: The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.
G. K. Chesteron wrote: Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.
Unknown wrote: People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly.
But they forget the negative side, which is the preening.
Unknown wrote: Arguing with a pilot is like wrestling with a pig in the mud, after a while you begin to think the pig likes it.
Unknown wrote: A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.
Unknown wrote: One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the social experience.
Xc wrote: Cross Country Flying Maxim: You can't be lost if you don't care where you are.
Toni Morrison wrote: If you wanna fly, you've got to give up the s*** that weighs you done.
Unknown wrote: You're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and being a pilot, 'cause you can't do both.
Unknown wrote: Forget all about lift, gravity, thrust and drag, an aircraft flies because of money.
Unknown wrote: If God had meant for man to fly, He would have given him more money.
George Bernard Shaw wrote: Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
Alfred Hitchcock wrote: The length of a flight is directly related to the endurance of the Human Bladder.
Richard Collins wrote: One thing is always true of weather: Regardless of what is reported, what you see is what you get.
Benjamin Franklin wrote: If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
Fred Wilson wrote (Yup, thassa me) - after being sucked into clouds in a glider: I couldn't see dick, but I could see dick a long way.
Frank Zappa wrote: A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it's not open.
Pfuit wrote: If it's got wheels, tits or a propeller, sooner or later it's bound to give you trouble...
Anonymous 4 a reason wrote: French Immersion? I am all for it, in fact I think it's WONDERFUL. I just wish they would hold them under a little longer!
Gerhard wrote: Always keep in mind, they don't serve beer in hospital.
Skyordie wrote: Everything that flies is eatable - that's my girlfriend's motto. Can't run away.
Naranek wrote: Only dead birds land downwind.
Donnald Gene Ray wrote: Unless you're doing the dishes stay out of the sink!
Unknown wrote: ... On the other hand, I was so far behind the aircraft that I would have been safe had I crashed.
Unknown wrote: Never run out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time.
Unknown wrote: Acrobatics is what happens when aerobatics go wrong.
Rad wrote: There are no atheists in aviation.
UnTuckable wrote: If the sky is your limit, don't let the ground stop you.
Drew Cooper wrote: Love the lift you're with.
Dr Lift of Seattle Wa USA's Cloudbase Country Club wrote: There is No Place like Cloudbase!
- Manilla NSW Australia:
Willi Muller wrote: Remember when hang gliding was dangerous and sex was safe?
Bruce Stobbe wrote: The mountain doesn't care what that card in your wallet says.
Unknown wrote: Never let an aircraft get you somewhere your brain didn't get five minutes earlier.
Unknown wrote: Flying in an Aircraft is like Swimming in a Boat.
Hitch-Hiker wrote: The knack in soaring lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Unknown wrote: A fool and his money are soon flying more aircraft than he can handle.
Unknown wrote: Soaring a glider is to power flying as seduction is to rape.
Unknown wrote: If flying were the language of man, soaring would be its poetry.
Unknown wrote: You can only tie the record for flying low.
Unknown wrote: Please don't tell Mum I'm a pilot, she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse.
Unknown wrote: The Six P's: Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
Unknown wrote: Definition of 'pilot': The first one to arrive at the scene of an aircraft accident.
Unknown wrote: If we are what we eat, then some pilots should eat more chicken.
Unknown wrote: Flying is hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of stark terror.
Burce Landsberg, AOPA Safety Foundation wrote: Mix ignorance with arrogance at low altitude and the results are almost guaranteed to be spectacular.
Richard Bach wrote: Why fly? Simple. I'm not happy unless there's some room between me and the ground.
Ernest K. Gann wrote: Flying is hypnotic and all pilots are willing victims to the spell.
Layton A. Bennett wrote: Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
Unknown wrote: Try to learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
John Huddart wrote: There are old pilots and bold pilots, but very few old & bold pilots!
Unknown wrote: Basic Flying
1: Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2: Do not go near the edges of it.
3: The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
Unknown wrote: There is nothing more dangerous to a club than and enthusiastic idiot. Especially if they are a director!
Fred Wilson wrote: Never, ever volunteer to volunteer!!!
Eleanor Roosevelt wrote: Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present!
Gerry LaMarsh wrote: The two rules to the secret of success are:
1. Do not tell everything you know to everybody.
Don Glass wrote: Never Land On Your Face!
Edit: Added Paragraph returns.
This forum does not allow quotes to be transferred directly from other forums.
The high cost of living is due to the cost of living high.
A man asked a Fairy to make him desirable and irresistible to women.
She turned him into a credit card.
View attachment 22875
Canada's West Jet Airlines goes out of their way to make their passenger pre-flight safety instructions as entertaining as possible.
Go to http://www.gizoogle.net/ and paste in any web address.
Here's one to get you started: punch in ww2talk.com's "View New Content" url here:
Note: this is SO ruddy popular right now the site is crashing a lot from over use.
So if you want to punch in other website urls, trick is to just use the back button.
Been There, Seen That, Done This.
Don't give them any ideas. Nice rifle though.
Don't TAKE a pee! What the hell is the matter with you trucking that back through here?
Give a pee!
“How is a blond like a cow pie?”
ANSWER: The older they get the more wrinkly they get and the easier they are to pick up.
“What’s dark and red and looks good around a lawyers neck?”
ANSWER: A Doberman.
An engineer was driving his SUV in the desert when he spotted a blond haired woman in a boat, out among the prickly cacti.
The blond yelled, help me, help me please. The boat is leaking, I don't have a paddle and I can't swim.
The engineer thought about it for a while and said, sorry lady, I can't swim either.
So, I was walking through the mall and I saw that there was a "Muslim Book Store." I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in. As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me. I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims?"
The clerk said, "Fuck off, get out and stay out!"
I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
So a man died and he was standing at the pearly gates talking to St. Peter and he noticed some clocks hanging on the gate.
He asked St. Peter what they were there for.
St. Peter explained that they were liar clocks.
Every time someone told a lie the hands would move once.
The man looked at the clocks - who's is that he asked?
That one is Mother Theresa's Peter explained. The hands have never moved so she's never told a lie.
Who's clock is that the man asked - pointing to another clock?
That's Abe Lincoln's, the hands on the clock have only moved twice so he only told two lies Peter answered.
The man looked around a little perplexed then asked, where is Steven Harper's clock? (Canada's Prime Minister)
Peter looked at the ground then back at the man. It's actually in Jesus' office..... He's using it as a ceiling fan.