Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by sniper1946, Oct 2, 2009.
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know.
Take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When
I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.
But then I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial.)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen, " he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"You're an asshole!” (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me, " he screamed
"Make me, " I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen, and I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse. I live in a yellow house with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. You had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole, " I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass, " he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, and that I was on my way over there to kill my neighbor.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Mowbray Blvd.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray.
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works...
That's a great one Fred. Could almost be true.
This thread has turned into the Fred Wilson show.
I'm sure I'll pay for this but here goes;
A man on his Harley motorcycle was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”
The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.”
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
Caught on surveillance camera a man gets struck by lighting twice and lives.
Latter at the hospital he told doctors he was going to rob the couple that were walking just ahead of him.
Fake all day long. Check the car shadows and his shadows.They would not be there. As a police officer I have handled numerous electrocutions. He ain't walking away from that!
Also, if you watch closely enough, when the guy falls the first time, you will see the shadow of the van's side mirror expand to the right and then contract back to it's normal position - even though the angle to the light source and the other shadows never change.
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Paul Thorn - I Guess I'll Just Stay Married