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Some jokes and some funny pics...

Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by Kai-Petri, Dec 4, 2002.

Page 65 of 82
  1. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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    Za Rodinu, Jan 16, 2009
    #1281
  2. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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    [​IMG]
     
    Za Rodinu, Jan 17, 2009
    #1282
  3. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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    Divorced man goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I don't know what's going on, but my pecker has turned orange since my divorce."

    Doc: "My God! Who have you been sleeping with?"

    "Nobody. I just sit home watching porn tapes and eating Cheetos...."

    ----------

    Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, the granddaughter went
    straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother to comfort her.

    When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

    Horrified, the granddaughter told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
    "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even... nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

    She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.
     
    Za Rodinu, Jan 17, 2009
    #1283
    bigfun likes this.
  4. bigfun

    bigfun Ace

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    A hunter and his friend were sitting in a tree stand
    early one cold December morning. Suddenly, a huge buck walked out
    to the corn they had spread in the shrub.
    The buck was magnificent truly a once in a lifetime animal.
    Moving quietly but quickly, the hunter carefully aimed his 30-30
    Winchester at the unsuspecting buck.
    As he was about to squeeze the trigger on this deer of a lifetime, his
    friend whispered that a funeral procession was passing slowly down the
    highway.
    The hunter pulled away from the stock, set the rifle down,
    took off his hat, bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer.
    His friend was stunned. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching
    thing I've ever seen you do. You let a trophy deer get away to pay your
    respects to a passing funeral procession. You are indeed the most
    sensitive man I have ever known, and I'm proud to call you my friend."

    The hunter shrugged. "Well, we were married for 37 years..."
     
    bigfun, Jan 17, 2009
    #1284
    Za Rodinu likes this.
  5. Joe

    Joe Ace

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    Joe, Jan 17, 2009
    #1285
  6. Totenkopf

    Totenkopf אוּרִיאֵל

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    [​IMG]
     
    Totenkopf, Jan 17, 2009
    #1286
  7. bigfun

    bigfun Ace

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    Joe, that's not funny, that thing took control of my IE! And would not let me have control back! Did you do that?
     
    bigfun, Jan 17, 2009
    #1287
    Joe likes this.
  8. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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    Joe, you are a lucky guy. Nobody here knows where you live but we will sometime.
     
    Za Rodinu, Jan 18, 2009
    #1288
    Joe likes this.
  9. Joe

    Joe Ace

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    Why do Lesbians never cook at home?





    Because they like to eat out!



    (sorry)
     
    Joe, Feb 3, 2009
    #1289
    Jaeger likes this.
  10. bigfun

    bigfun Ace

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    Position:Surveyor
    Salary: $200 per hour (tax-free)
    Qualification: Must be fast on your feet    ​

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
















    Isn't it comforting to know that when you are about to become a bear's breakfast​

    your buddy is taking pictures?
     
    bigfun, Feb 3, 2009
    #1290
  11. Joe

    Joe Ace

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    Heh, those are the most hilarious red X's I have ever seen...
     
    Joe, Feb 4, 2009
    #1291
  12. bigfun

    bigfun Ace

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    hmmmmmm.............works for me!? let me try something!

    let me know if that works Joe!!
     
    bigfun, Feb 4, 2009
    #1292
  13. LRusso216

    LRusso216 Graybeard Staff Member

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    [FONT=&quot](NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING)[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Dear Ma and[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Pa, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]I am well. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Hope you are. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps
    beats working for old man Minch by a mile.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

    I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]But I
    am getting so I like to sleep late. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before
    breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] No hogs to slop, feed to
    pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

    Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Breakfast is strong
    on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on
    chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but
    tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on
    coffee. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]when you get[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]fed again.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

    We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to
    harden us. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] A 'route
    march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Then the city guys get sore
    feet and we all ride back in trucks.

    The sergeant is like a school teacher. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]He nags a lot.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] The Captain is like the
    school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] They don't bother
    you none.

    This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] I keep getting medals for
    shooting. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]I don't know why. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and
    don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] All you
    got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] You don't even load your own
    cartridges. They come in boxes.

    Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]You get to wrestle
    with them city boys. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] It
    ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]I'm about the best they got in
    this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] I only beat him once.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

    Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto
    this setup and come stampeding in.

    Your loving daughter,[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Alice[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
     
    LRusso216, Feb 5, 2009
    #1293
    brndirt1 likes this.
  14. Miguel B.

    Miguel B. Member

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    That finish nearly killed me. Good one mate!



    Cheers...
     
    Miguel B., Feb 5, 2009
    #1294
  15. war guy

    war guy Member

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    [​IMG]
    I love this picture
     
    war guy, Feb 8, 2009
    #1295
  16. LRusso216

    LRusso216 Graybeard Staff Member

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    How can we not have a Bill Mauldin cartoon?
     
    LRusso216, Feb 8, 2009
    #1296
  17. ghost_of_war

    ghost_of_war Member

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    LOL - the bear ones are good.....
     
    ghost_of_war, Feb 9, 2009
    #1297
  18. war guy

    war guy Member

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    war guy, Feb 10, 2009
    #1298
  19. bigfun

    bigfun Ace

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    FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY

    In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter
    and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination
    case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

    The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such
    recognized days.

    The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the
    passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel
    declaring,"Case dismissed!"

    The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your
    honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have
    Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah,
    yet my Client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

    The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your
    client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

    The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special
    observance or holiday for atheists."

    The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day.
    Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is
    no God.'

    Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says
    there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st
    is his day. Court is adjourned.
     
    bigfun, Feb 10, 2009
    #1299
  20. T. A. Gardner

    T. A. Gardner Genuine Chief

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    That's the Mk 1 version. The "improved" Mk II has a triangular wheel. It eliminates one bump!
     
    T. A. Gardner, Feb 10, 2009
    #1300
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