Some jokes and some funny pics...

You've been on the military humour site you have....Brilliant.

 

Awesome, the LI one looks like he bugged out in a hurry.

 

Thanks for sharing Drew!

 

Her's a little email story to share...

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
(actually, only a complete cretin would attempt this, but it is funny)


Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought
the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn
thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned,
however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal
surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting
back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There
I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible
way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best.. .?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided
to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the
prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing
sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging
above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by
my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three
second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were
still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,
and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my
sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
offering a significant reward for their safe return!


P.S... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift,
and now regularly threatens me with it!


If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!





​

 

You dont get away Stefan....The reason why Stefan decided on the TA rather than the full time mob...

A weekend in the mud...special..

A weekend away....priceless.

Stefans battle taxi...

 

I wish Urqh, I wish.

But it's true, a weekend away us fun, a month, its ok, 6 months, it's a living, 3 years? Screw that for a game of soldiers!

 

Drews passing out parade...

Thats not him of course...hes the one on the left..with the hat on..

 

I didnt tell you where I lived did I???

 

Drew, don't worry mate, he I've got his address. The men in the black car will turn up shortly

 

Please don't associate me with the french !

 

Don't worry Drew, I think they are Italian.

 

Blimey, and I thought they were the light infantry or Ghurkas....

 

Surely Fusileers with hats like that?

 

Ok here come some more from my personal collection in blocks of five :lol:

Quick disclaimer apologies in advance if any offend in anyway-I'm just the messenger not the curator...

Cheers
1.


2.


3.


4.


5.


Stay tuned for the next five

 

Speaking of:

 

The only time I knowingly disobeyed an order...go wake that Ghurka up....On yer bike staff...you do it...

But bet this German was a bit upset this Xmas too...

 

Good ones, Drew....